Tag Archives: The Onion

Amusing Monday: Peeling ‘The Onion’
for fake news stories

We haven’t visited “The Onion” for quite some time, so let’s take a look at Shelby Cross of the Onion News Network and her vociferous plea to eliminate all marshes and wetlands.

“These things are nothing but dead-body dumping pits that make things easy for murderers,” says Cross in the video.

See her “debate” with an opponent in the first video on this page. (Skip the ad by clicking on the tiny box in the upper right corner.)

The next fake news video on this page reveals that something has spooked climate scientists throughout the world. The piece is called “Nation’s climatologists exhibiting strange behavior.”

Moving on, we have the following videos to share:

Finally, here’s a false news story in print called, “New poll finds 74% of Americans would be comfortable blaming female president for problems.”

From the story:

“According to our latest survey, nearly three quarters of Americans now say they’d be willing to saddle a female president with blame for everything from a stagnant economy to interminable wars in the Middle East, up from barely half of respondents a decade earlier,” said lead researcher Jennifer Cervantes.

Amusing Monday: time to water The Onion

We can always depend on The Onion, the fake news center, to come up with odd ways of looking at the world. Sometimes I laugh out loud; other times I just scratch my head.

I’ve been sharing watery slices of The Onion since I first started the “Amusing Monday” feature in 2008. The video at right is about how scientists react when they find water on the planet Mercury.

The following are some of The Onion’s newer stories, along with some old ones that never wear out.

Nation Back On Board With SeaWorld Following Awesome Orca Trick

Ending their intensifying tide of criticism over the marine park’s unethical treatment of animals … Americans across the nation announced this week that they were “totally back on board” with SeaWorld after seeing an awesome and absolutely can’t-miss orca trick…

“What can I say? I had SeaWorld all wrong—I had myself convinced they were some sort of exploitative company that abused animals in the pursuit of cheap thrills for tourists, but then I saw that orca make a big wave by slapping the water with his fin and I was like, ‘Hold the phone, I need to see that again,’” environmental reporter Craig Edmonds said while imitating the whale’s motion with his arms.

Fitting last week’s theme of climate change, The Onion reports this story:

Scientists Recommend Having Earth Put Down

Claiming that it is the humane thing to do, and that the planet is “just going to suffer” if kept alive any longer, members of the world’s scientific community recommended today that Earth be put down.

Radio News:

Scientific Journal Releases List Of Year’s Top 100 Compounds

Obese Salmon Unable To Swim Upstream To Spawn

After repeatedly gorging itself on marine sea life for more than seven years, a severely obese chinook salmon told reporters Wednesday he had grown too overweight to swim upstream and reproduce.

Drought Bad; Water Good

Sources nationwide are confirming this week that the current drought is bad and that water is very good …

Pool-Safety Tips

Here’s a sampling:
— Your body is 70 percent water, so don’t worry: Even if you were to drown, only 30 percent of you would die.
— Remember, you can’t leave young children unsupervised around the pool, the way you do in the house.
— Don’t swim in the end of the pool where unscrupulous Japanese commercial whalers are using gill nets and explosive harpoons.

NHL Finishes Freezing Water For 2011 Season

… A shortage of frozen water on hockey rinks in the beginnings of previous seasons meant that players were forced to adapt to less than ideal conditions, skating on whatever frozen water was available and then trudging clumsily over the exposed dirt or wooden floors….

“We also now completely understand—and agree—that all parts of the rink have to be covered with ice,” Bettman added. “Even the parts behind the nets.”

Old-Fashioned No-Water Practice Gets High School Diving Coach Fired

Perkins County High School diving coach Tony Spencer was fired Friday for what he called an “old-fashioned no-water practice,” a drill that left three swimmers dead and several others in intensive care.

“If you can dive into a pool with no water, imagine what you can do with a pool that has water,” the 72-year-old Spencer said as he was led to a police car…

Rain Told To Go Away In 1986 Returns

A rainstorm that in August 1986 was told to “go away” and advised to come again another day returned Monday, soaking the downtown Adair area for much of the afternoon.

A non-water video you may find amusing:

More Office Workers Switching To Fetal Position Desks

Amusing Monday: A few more slices of the Onion

I’m on vacation for the next two weeks, so I’ll share one of the first “Amusing Mondays” that I came up with back in 2008, called “A few slices of the Onion.” It features, of course, some fake news item from “The Onion” website, famous for its spoofs.

But first, for something more recent, I’ve added a couple more news items from the radio side of “The Onion.”

What The Onion has to say about water

Rain told to go away, but it comes back.

Transcontinental straw and other drinking tricks.

Take a sip of plastic and laugh it off.

Wildfires are put on a schedule in California.

Amusing Monday: Reportors, animal researchers pursue passion

I have gotten to know quite a few marine biologists through the years. I’ve generally admired their dedication and devotion. In the first video below, I found it interesting to compare the attitudes of whale researchers to xxxx, who has studied ant eaters for many years. Here he is featured in a piece from The Onion News Network.

Also, it may be worth noting that I have covered more than a few whale strandings in my carrier. In the second video, it was interesting to see how The Onion captured the drama of a rare beaching of a different creature.

Expert On Anteaters Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters

Barbara Bush Runs Aground Off Coast Of Maine