Harbor seals might be called “pooch vitamin” and gray whales “scratchiest robot” — or at least those are a couple of the wacky names I derived with the help of spell-checking software.
Photo: Meegan Reid, Kitsap Sun
Scientific names don’t normally give me much of a problem — primarily because I don’t use them all that much. If I’m writing an article about an animal or plant, I sometimes include the scientific name for the sake of precision, since some species are called by different things in other parts of the world.
I don’t know how to pronounce most scientific names, and I almost always need to double-check the spellings. As Sloan Tomlinson of Entomology Uncensored points out, auto-correct is no friend of scientists stuck with using proper taxonomic names.
Generally, spell-checking software is worthless in this regard, because it rarely recognizes a scientific name. So, just for fun, I reached into the alternative spellings being offered for the genus and species of a variety of marine mammals common to the Northwest. Here’s what I came up with:
Seals and sea lions
Pooch vitamin for HARBOR SEAL, Phoca vitulina
Galoshes Californian for CALIFORNIA SEA LION, Zalophus californianus
Mourning angularities for NORTHERN ELEPHANT SEAL, Mirounga angustirostris
Architectural townswomen for GUADALUPE FUR SEAL, Arctocephalus townsendi
Calculations urchins for NORTHERN FUR SEAL, Callorhinus ursinus
Porpoises and dolphins
Poached pooches for HARBOR PORPOISE, Phocoena phocoena
Phosphoresce dahlia for DALL’S PORPOISE Phocoenoides dalli
Lecherousness obliviousness for PACIFIC WHITE-SIDED DOLPHIN, Lagenorhynchus obliquidens
Grammar gripers for RISSO’S DOLPHIN, Grampus griseus
Tourists truncated for COMMON BOTTLENOSE DOLPHIN, Tursiops truncates
Delirious Delhi for SHORT-BEAKED COMMON DOLPHIN, Delphinus delphis
Delirious capeskin for LONG-BEAKED COMMON DOLPHIN, Delphinus capensis
Whales
Scratchiest robots for GRAY WHALE, Eschrichtius robustus
Photo: NOAA Fisheries
Megastar nonviable for HUMPBACK WHALE, Megaptera novaeangliae
Origins organ for KILLER WHALE, Orcinus orca*
Glaciological macroeconomics for SHORT-FINNED PILOT WHALE, Globicephala macrorhynchus
Brigadiers barbarian for BAIRD’S BEAKED WHALE, Berardius bairdii
Zippiest captivators for CUVIER’S BEAKED WHALE, Ziphius cavirostris
Pester macrophages for SPERM WHALE, Physeter macrocephalus
Baltimorean muscles for BLUE WHALE, Balaenoptera musculus
Baltimorean astronauts for MINKE WHALE, Balaenoptera acutorostrata
Baltimorean physique for FIN WHALE, Balaenoptera physalus
*NOTE: Orca is actually recognized in the spell-check dictionary
