Amusing Monday: The odd things that people say

You don’t need to be a comedian to be funny. Some people say the craziest things without realizing how odd their comments sound. One of the best collections of these kinds of funny quotes from everyday conversation can be found on

I’ve listed some funny water-related quotes here along with a few others from the web page Things People Said.

Actual comments collected by river guides rafting through the Grand Canyon on the Colorado River :

  • “Does the river follow the canyon the whole way down?”
  • “Since we left camp this morning, have we gained elevation or lost elevation?”
  • “Do we end up in the same place we started?”
  • “If I would have known there were this many rocks in the Grand Canyon, I would have never come on this trip.”
  • “How thick are the canyon walls?”

Questions asked of rangers in Everglades National Park

  • “Are the baby alligators for sale?”
  • “Where are the rides?”
  • “What time does the two o’clock bus leave?”

Comments left by wilderness hikers coming out of national forests:

  • “Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.”
  • “Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”
  • “Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.”
  • “Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.”
  • “The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.”
  • “Need more signs to keep area pristine.”

Questions asked of cruise ship pursers

  • “I just saw the Captain in the dining room. Who is steering the ship?”
  • “Why can’t I get cable stations?”
  • “Do these stairs go up or down?”
  • “Could you call the captain to stop the waves? I am getting seasick.”
  • “What do you do with the ice sculptures after they melt?”
  • “I want to change cabins! I paid good money for this cruise, and all I can see is a rusted crane in the harbor!” (complaint before leaving port)

Letters sent to landlords by tenants

  • “The toilet is blocked, and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.”
  • “I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.”
  • “Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.”
  • “Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.”

Kids’ ideas about science, from fifth and sixth grade science classes

  • “Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.”
  • “You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don’t hear it, you got hit, so never mind.”
  • “Rain is saved up in cloud banks.”
  • “The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.”
  • “Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.”
  • “Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils, while others preferred to be oil.”
  • “Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don’t why you should.”
  • “Some oxygen molecules help fires burn, while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother.”
  • “Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.”
  • “Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.”
  • “In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s.”
  • “We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won’t drown when we breathe.”
  • “The wind is like the air, only pushier.”
  • “I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.”

3 thoughts on “Amusing Monday: The odd things that people say

  1. I used to work as a kayak guide in West Seattle, and once had a chat with someone who took people sailing on Elliott Bay. We’d heard

    ‘How far are we above sea level?’
    (About three feet)


    (watching the fire boat testing its pumps)
    ‘How big are their tanks?’

  2. Thanks, Gayle. I’m glad you enjoyed these.

    I have to tell you another one that made me laugh so hard that I couldn’t even read it to my wife. I ended up not using it because it was asked of a ranger in Banff National Park (Alberta) and it didn’t have anything to do with water:

    “Is it ok to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?”

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