It’s Goat Time


I don’t … I can’t …

I really don’t know what to say about this. I want to think up something funny, something that will weave the strange, asinine elements of this story into a blog entry. I can’t. Maybe I’m too tired, maybe I’m not smart enough.

So I have decided to let you, gentle readers, do the work for me.

First, read this. It is the press release from the independent media office for the Animal Liberation Front, a group of “terrorists” who wear camo, balaclavas, and cuddle cute, pink piglets.

Received anonymously
February 12, 2008

Goats Liberated from Future Animal Abusers of America (FFA)
Carpenteria, CA Gets First Visit from Animal Liberation Front

In the early hours of Saturday, Feb. 9th 2008, three young goats were liberated by the ALF from the Carpinteria High School FFA in California. After cutting through one lock and one fence, we took them from their small pens with concrete floors and carried them to freedom. They were taken to a place where they will be able to live their lives free from cages and fences, able to enjoy sunshine and grass as opposed to steel bars and concrete floors. As we brought them to their new home, they immediately stopped crying, began eating the grass around them, and enjoyed their surroundings. They listened to us and licked our faces as we soothed them before leaving the three of them on their own. They will no longer be victims to animal exploitation or slaughter for human greed.

The FFA is an organization that teaches kids from a young age how to carry on the (f*****) up tradition of anthropocentrism, where they are taught how to raise animals for exploitation, abuse, and eventually murder. FFA is known for keeping animals in small, dirty, unkempt, confined places where they lack nurturing and stimulating interaction with other animals.

As long as the FFA continues to raise animals for the meat, dairy, or egg industries, the ALF will continue to take actions against these practices. -ALF

Now, read this. It is the Associated Press’ follow-up.

High school’s kidnapped goats found wandering in hills

Thursday, February 14, 2008

(02-14) 05:03 PST Carpinteria, Calif. (AP) — Three goats abducted from Carpinteria High School by animal rights activists have been found wandering in a rural area where predators roam.

The Animal Liberation Front took responsibility for freeing the infant goats, which are part of the school’s Future Farmers of America program.

A day later, hikers found the goats and notified Santa Barbara County authorities.

Sheriff’s Sgt. Alex Tipolt says the “young and defenseless” goats were found in an area between Carpinteria and Montecito where mountain lions and coyotes are known to inhabit.

Animal Liberation Front spokesman Jerry Vlasak says the school was exploiting the animals.

The whole reason I even got the first press release list is because of an incident at the Bremerton Kentucky Fried Chicken, where vandals trashed the building with anti-meat/pro-vegetarian slogans. The press office could not confirm or deny the group was involved.

2 thoughts on “It’s Goat Time

  1. Goatnappers, the lowest form of livestock rustlers. Somebody should stake them out naked in a “rural area” where predators roam.

    And are you sure the photo goes with the story? Somebody can’t count past three…

  2. We would love to get a goat for our yard, and we will, damn the livestock laws, we will! We already have a dog to keep the blackberries and morning-glory down. If we had a watch-goat, everything would be ducky!

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