On Notice: The Crime Edition

It’s time to resurrect the dubious tradition of borrowing Stephen Colbert’s cutting edge creation, “You’re on Notice!”

We’re bringing it back to the Bremerton Beat, because some story commenters love to malign this fair town, even when the crime carries a different dateline.

Bremerton has its people who hide money in the vacuum and tell their cell mates. But contrary to apparent public perception, this is not the only place for criminals and the intelligence challenged.


Port Orchard makes the list, just because. Sure, you’re getting a fancy new mayor and downtown height limits, but Bremertonians chuckle at your insistence that you “don’t want to be like Bremerton.” Heck, people in Bremerton don’t want to be like the Bremerton of some peoples’ active imagination.

South Kitsap makes the list because in the story about the South Kitsap man who tried to remove lugnuts with a shotgun, a couple of commenters made the list for misattributing the incident to the town a semi-famous rock band encourages a girlfriend to move to.

Mdlmanrn wrote :

“Again, the frequently used phrase……Only in Bremerton…..”

And Lacydru maligned:


Eh, no. South Kitsap. Gateway to Mason County.

irenecats009 makes only an error in judgment, not in fact, when she writes on the story about the Poulsbo guy with the “lethal weapons:”

“The amazing thing is it didn’t take place in Bremerton like the vast majority of Code 911 stories.”

Actually, I probably can’t quibble too much with that one. We only regularly read the reports in Bremerton and the Sheriffs office, so perhaps the reporting is somewhat skewed. Still, irenecats009, you’re on notice. By the way, how’s irenecats008 doing? She get over the shingles?

Finally, itchy_scratchy makes the list, because on the story of the naked-taser-PCP man she writes:

“You click the link of a Kitsap Sun story with a title like this, and just wait for the page to load…

1, 2, 3…

The first word in the story is almost always the same:


No, no, no. As pointed out previously, Lugnuts is from South Kitsap. Lethal Weapons is from Poulsbo. Naked-taser-PCP guy did his crime in Bremerton, but he’s from Silverdale. That’s why Poulsbo and Silverdale also make the list. Stop getting your knuckleheads mixed up with ours.

Remember, “You’re on notice” means “I’m watching you,” not “You’re dead to me,” which is a different Colbert subject. Send me your nominations for things or people you’re getting a little suspicious of, or getting a little tired of, or you think are not getting the attention they should. Feel free to duplicate other peoples’ nominations. If something gets nominated a lot, it’s more likely to get on the board.

Then again, this isn’t scientific and is subject to the blogmaster’s personal bias and sense of what’s relevant and/or funny. The board will be updated whenever I’m good and ready. I’m seldom both, so be patient.

4 thoughts on “On Notice: The Crime Edition

  1. Steve,

    It’s true that we do indeed regularly read Bremerton Police and Kitsap County Sheriff’s Office reports, but by doing so I’m not sure we’re “skewing” the code 911 section. I routinely check with sergeants from the three other cities (Port Orchard, Poulsbo and Bainbridge) for reports we want to review, and, as a further “filter,” we review all felony criminal charges filed by the Kitsap County Prosecutor’s Office.

    I would say the crime rate (and therein the code 911 stories we get) in Kitsap County is correlated mainly with population (i.e. where there’s a higher concentration of people, there’s more crime, and more chances to get a code 911 item).

    Just my two cents!


  2. What get mentioned in the Sun’s 911 section is an extremely watered down version of what goes on around this town.

    Just listen to a police scanner at any given time there are always crazy events happening,stuff that I am surprised don’t even make the paper.

  3. I nominate the Kitsap Sun again for too many articles about whales. Yes, they are beautiful creatures and it was cool they visited here. Yes, it was exciting “at the time”. One year later, these stories are just boring and much too drawn out. Let’s move on, please.

  4. You know who I’m tired of hearing? James Blunt. Yes, I know I’m beautiful (and yes, it’s true.) Also, he says he has a plan, but never gives any details.

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