Bainbridge police boat, riot helmets inspire fan fiction

First it was the BIPD’s purchase of 75 riot helmets. Now we have the news that Sen. John McCain dissed BIPD’s suped-up patrol boat, calling it one of the biggest wastes of stimulus funding.

If you haven’t heard yet, McCain put the boat, which has enough whiz-bang features to make Michael Knight’s chatty Trans Am envious, near the top of a list of the 100 worst stimulus-backed projects – right up there with federally-funded puppet shows and condom tests.

Amid the 59 comments that have streamed in after my story on McCain’s trash-talking, Bainbridge-naming list came out last night, a little gem emerged: a lively bit of commenter fiction. A new voice in this new genre, Kdda191 (perhaps a nom de plume?) knits the boat and helmet hullabaloo together for a gripping scene in which our heroes (the BIPD) are confronted with a do or drink decision…..

Asst. Chief: Hey Chief, what are we gonna do with 75 riot helmets?
Chief: Hell, I dunno, but if the day comes that the whole island of yuppies decide to raise hell & riot, every one of us can put two on to protect our domes from wine bottles.
Asst. Chief: Ahh, ok. But wouldn’t it just be easier to hop in our luxury overkill ‘Police Boat’ and escape to Seattle and have cocktails?
Chief: Did you say “cocktails in Seattle?,” I’m in! We leaving now?

Not your taste? Care for a more grounded, fact-based analysis by a respected newsman? Well, click on over to the Kitsap Caucus where Steven Gardner has crafted the insightful “Bainbridge’s Boat to Nowhere” post.

Here’s but a snippet:

The man responsible for Sarah Palin’s fame gives little credence to the idea that the boat should be able to “test vapor or surfaces for microscopic traces of explosive material.

Steve’s post is probably a better use of your time than wading through all those 59 (oops…make that 63 now) comments.

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