Within hours of announcing its plan to build a “supercenter” store in downtown Winslow, the Wal-Mart corporation broke ground today on a 260,000-square-foot facility aimed at serving all of the island’s shopping needs.

Citing the city’s financial troubles, city planners reviewed and permitted the project using an obscure and rarely-implemented “fast-track” development approval process.

“Not only will the sales tax revenue save us from insolvency, it will finally allow us to build the golden-domed, Corinthian-columned, flying buttressed Waterfront Park restroom islanders need and deserve,” said planner Beulah Kratt.

The discount retailer broke ground on its new Winslow store at 8 a.m. By 10:30 a.m., Wal-Mart construction crews had cleared most of the existing buildings on the south side of Winslow Way and erected a sign that now dominates the Winslow skyline.

The store will include a vast retail area as well as full-service supermarket, pharmacy, auto repair center, photo processing lab, portrait studio, nail and beauty salon, barber shop, video rental store, lumber yard, optometrist’s office, garden center, bait and tackle shop, cellular phone store and a franchise of Botox Xpress, which will offer drive-thru morning and afternoon service.

The store will include several new Wal-Mart-owned outlets offering services that “honor and celebrate Bremerton Island’s retail heritage,” said a Wal-Mart spokesman.

The outlets under consideration include Beagle Harbor Books, Flying Pony Coffee Company, Isla Bon Neato Mexican restaurant and Churchhamster Yarn and Tea.

Editor’s note: April fools!