DJ ChloroPhil

One night while burning some mysterious “eco-friendly” incense, Phil unwittingly summons the spirit of a polar bear who becomes his no-nonsense guide to a better way.

The series, called “Green Shaman,” was launched a month ago on Planet Green. Each 90-second clip offers a personal tip about the environment, starting with a video questioning whether Phil’s purchase of bottled water is an environmentally sound practice.

If that’s not enough, check out Phil’s blog, in which he offers his thoughts related to his experiences.

The creator of the series, Troy Hitch, is best known for his work on the humorous series “You Suck at Photoshop,” which shows fictional character Donnie Hoyle offering offbeat tutorials in the field of photo alteration.

Spirit polar bear

Following are the Green Shaman videos. (I haven’t figured out how to bypass the commercials.)

“Again from the Tap”

“Greeno Vino”

“Power Nap”

“Pedal of Honor”

“Smells like Green Spirit”

“Shirt’s So Good”

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In his latest video, Flow Man comes to the rescue of a snowboarder. This particular athlete is about as far from an Olympic medalist as you can get. Flow Man’s nonsensical, but amusing, answer is to put a ragged edge on the snowboard.

When I first started posting the Adventures of Flow Man, I didn’t know that the corporate headquarters for the company responsible — Flow International Corporation — was located in Western Washington. The company was started by former Boeing engineers who saw the advantages of cutting with high-pressure water jets.

With its corporate headquarters in Kent, Flow employs more than 700 people in offices in Indiana, Michigan, Canada, Brazil, Germany, UK, Sweden, Spain, Italy, France, Taiwan, Japan, and China.

As for the benefits of water-jet technology, Wikipedia is running a well-written, basic article about the history, technology and benefits of high-pressure water. What is impressive is that jets of water can make cuts as fine as a human hair. One of the strong selling points is the low temperature, since most cutting techniques generate heat that can damage the cutting material. See this video overview of the technology.

What can’t be cut? According to the Wikipedia article, water jets don’t work for tempered glass, diamonds and some ceramics.

Other recent Flow Man videos ask these questions:

Can water cut a rug?

Can water cut a cheeseburger?

Can water cut a bowling ball?

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It is such an indelible image that anything else seems amusing — such as watching African women roll blue plastic barrels filled with water. The video at right tells a labor-saving story with music, style and a touch of humor, but the serious importance of this product should not be underestimated. (If you would like to see a version of the video that plays better at full-screen, go to Hippo Water International.)

These plastic barrels, named Hippo water rollers, move so much more water than the old way that these women are saving hours in their day — hours that they can spend with their children or on other chores.

The Hippo water rollers are so innovative and time-saving that they have been included among products considered part of a “design revolution” that could change the world. See the book “Design Revolution: 100 Products That Empower People.”

A prominent organization leading this simple design revolution is Project H, headed by Emily Pilloton. You can read her story in the San Francisco Chronicle and Time magazine.

On Feb. 2, Pilloton embarked on a Design Revolution Road Show from Redwood High School in Larkspur, Calif., which is her alma mater. Over 75 days, she will visit 35 high schools and colleges in her Airstream trailer, a traveling exhibition of life-changing products, giving lectures and presentations “to inspire the next generation of designers and creative world-changers.”

At the kickoff of the road show, the Hippo water roller was put to a test. A relay team carrying five-gallon buckets of water didn’t stand a chance in a race against the Hippo. See the Marin Independent Journal and the video on YouTube.

The first Hippos worked well, but they demanded space, making them expensive to ship overseas. A redesign announced a year ago allows them to nest together so that more of them can be shipped in the available space. It also includes a stronger seam due to the off-center location.

The Hippo Water Roller Project is designed to find sponsors to help pay for the purchase and distribution of rollers to places where water is still being carried from one place to another.

The final video, below, goes into more detail about the history of this product and its values — including health issues.

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Of course, both are known for finding humor in news of the day, but their styles are different. On a recent day, both “The Colbert Report ” and “The Daily Show” focused on the snowy conditions in the East.

And who should play in a prominent role in both reports? None other than the wizard of climate change, Al Gore.

So how does Gore explain some of the worst blizzards ever seen on the East Coast? And, for that matter, how does he explain darkness?

I hope you find both videos amusing. But which of these reports do you like better?

By the way, I want to thank Kitsap Sun reporter Steve Gardner for calling the Colbert clip to my attention.

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First, before getting to the serious stuff, I’d like to start with an animated short film, “Oktapodi.” The film started out as a graduate school project by a team of French animators from Gobelins L’Ecole de L’Image. The production was nominated for an Academy Award during last year’s presentation and won numerous honors at film festivals.

The YouTube version here is OK, but if you want to see the film in full quality and can wait for the video to download, visit the official Oktapodi Web site and view the QuickTime version.

Back to the real world, check out this BBC video showing a diver up close with a giant Pacific octopus.

Elsewhere, the so-called mimic octopus is a fascinating creature, as shown in this video shot in Indonesia.

Finally, completing the tour, here’s a video from the Seattle Aquarium Web, which includes this sea creature as well as others.

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Grand Prize, Amateur, 2099 National Wildlife Federation Photo Contest. Minke whale by Steffen Binke

The photo at right shows a minke whale descending the Great Barrier Reef off Australia. The picture, by Steffen Binke, won the Grand Prize in the amateur division.

To see a slide show of all 32 winners, visit the Web site of National Wildlife magazine. I hope you can take a few moments to enjoy them.

Other entries were so good that the magazine put together a slide show of 60 honorable mentions that are worth seeing.

If you are a photographer interested in entering the 2010 contest, you will find information on the online magazine’s Web pages.

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Some people laugh; others stare in disbelief at the unique creature that reminds some people of the male anatomy.

After you’ve lived in Washington state, you learn that this massive mollusk is not only funny, it is big money on the international market. Geoducks are believed to play an important role in the ecosystem, where they filter water and can live for 100 years or more.

Geoducks grow naturally in deep water and are harvested by divers who dislodge them from the seabed with jets of water. Revenues go for managing the resource and to local governments willing to make recreational improvements to the shoreline. Some people contend that the state is over-harvesting, at least in certain locations.

Geoducks are also at the center of political battles involving the management of state and private tidelands. Artificial propagation of geoducks and its effects on beaches is still hotly debated.

But I digress. Amusing Monday isn’t about the serious side of life, so I’d like to offer a couple of videos for your viewing. The first, an embedded video on this page, is a three-minute trailer for a documentary produced by Justin Bookey. The film, called “3 Feet Under,” won a first-place award for the Best Short Documentary at the Port Townsend Film Festival in 2004.

The second video is a featured segment of the Discovery Channel’s TV show “Dirty Jobs” with Mike Rowe. Beyond the jokes, I learned something about cooking the giant clams in a part of the show where Rowe heads into the kitchen to prepare the “duck” for eating.

So let me know what you think about geoducks, especially if you are one of the brave hunters who like to dig for geoducks, famous for their deep digging. If you have a geoduck joke suitable for mixed company, feel free to share.

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I thought today I’d share some real news stories — mainly from elsewhere in the U.S. — about incidents involving water and the law. The Web site Clumsy Crooks helped me find and sort through these stories.
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Returning home, a woman caught a suspected burglar in her house, and he was rummaging through her things. The man looked up, asked the woman for a glass of water and went on his way.

Police caught up with him an hour later and discovered that his backpack contained electronic equipment and DVDs. The story does not say if he ever got the drink he was looking for.
Treasure Coast (Florida) story and mugshot

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Two men faced theft and public intoxication charges after allegedly filling a 1,500-gallon tank from a fire hydrant. They were towing the tank with its stolen water on a trailer when a tire blew out, sending their rig into a ditch. They told police they needed the water to operate their water slide.
ABC News picked up the story
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A man dressed in a cow suit drove his car into the Niagara River, asked for help and then ran away. Police found the man walking near a water-treatment plant and stilling wearing the soaked cow suit.

Asked what happened, the man explained that he was driving home from a party when his GPS device told him to take a right to get onto the freeway. He took a hard right, drove onto a dock and then into the river. The man was charged with driving while intoxicated.
Lockport (New York) Union-Sun & Journal story
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Michael Howarth, an inmate at Lake Correctional Institution in Florida, said he didn’t mean to escape from prison. He just wanted to sneak away from his job at the facility’s water-treatment plant long enough to test his plan to meet up with a female pen pal at some point in the future. But when his feet got stuck in a muddy bog and it took awhile to get free, he realized that he was a prison escapee.
Orlando Sentinel story
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A would-be bank robber left the crime scene empty-handed after he was told that the bank had moved. The man was trying to steal money from an office the South Elkhorn Water District in Jessamine County, Ky.
An employee informed the robber, “We really don’t have any money.”
The robber responded, “I know you have money. It’s a bank.”
The employee told him, “No, sir, it’s not a bank anymore.”
The robber looked around, noticed it wasn’t a bank and left.
Lexington Herald-Leader story
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A thief broke into a cemetery in DeLand, Fla., drained a 250-gallon fuel tank and made off with its contents. But instead of getting the gasoline he expected, he ended up with water. The maintenance supervisor explained that after a previous theft, he stopped storing gasoline in the tank and used it to hold water.
Daytona Beach News-Journal story
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A man who robbed an armored car in Monroe, Wash., jumped into the Skykomish River to make his getaway on an inner tube. An observer said he first spotted the man pacing in the bushes outside the Bank of America branch. He was using a garden sprayer and wearing a surgical mask, wig and sun glasses. Discharging pepper spray at the armored car driver, the robber wrestled away a bag of money and headed off into the river.
KOMO News has the story and a photo
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A pair of thrill seekers, who police labeled as “stupid,” barely escaped death after driving along a frozen canal. The ice broke and the car went under.
London Daily Mail story with photos.
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A man in Naples, Fla., was arrested for stealing 42 cents from a fountain at a local mall. Mall security officers called police when they saw someone wading in the fountain and picking up change. The mall manager said later that the arrest stemmed from a fake ID the man was carrying not the theft, but a police report did not mention fake ID.
WINK News story and photo
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The headline says, “Court punishes Moses for parting the waters.” It turns out that a real-estate broker and developer named Charles Moses tried to divert the flow of Idaho’s Teton Creek in violation of the Clean Water Act. He was charged and sentenced to a year and a half in prison for each of three violations.
Reuters story

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So far, I have been unable to find a video clip of KOMO’s piece, but I was equally impressed by the competitive performance of an orchestra from the Shuiyuan primary school.

I know almost nothing about Chinese music, but I’m inspired to learn more, and I wanted to share at least one piece with you. I believe the name of the song performed on this YouTube video is called “The Unforgettable Water-Splashing Festival,” which makes this video highly appropriate for an Amusing Monday entry.

I would welcome anyone with a knowledge of Chinese music to educate me, and other readers, a little bit about the history and styles of Chinese music, and how young children are encouraged to play.

I will post the KOMO piece later, if it shows up.

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Last week, when I became confused about a scheduled activity, my boss informed me that I was off by exactly one week. “Well,” I wrote in a note to her, “that’s different. Never mind.”

I got to thinking about this indelible character. I recalled that Emily Litella once commented about a water issue: boats on a river. If you don’t remember Emily, then take a look at the video on this page before moving on.

I’ve included transcripts of a few Emily Litella sketches — with Chevy Chase, who seemed to tolerate the little lady; Jane Curtin, who had no patience for her; and the bewildered captain of a liverboat (?).
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Season 2, Mardi Gras Special in New Orleans (Feb. 20, 1977)

Emily Litella: [ facing to the camera ] Hi! Hi, I’m — [ the crowd cheers her presence ] oh, hello! Hi! I’m Emily Litella, and I’m SO excited! It’s my first time at Mardi Gras, and I’ve been drinking TEA! Straight, for three days! Ohh! [ a riverboat horn blares ] Ooh! Do you hear that?! Well, that’s the liverboat, coming down the Mississippi with LOADS of liver! And I’m standing here with Captain Devero Boyee, who is a captain of a BIG liverboat! Just like the one you just heard! Tell me, Captain – just how did the tradition of the liverboat start? Now, I know liver is rich in iron and vitamins, but so is PORK! Now, why aren’t there PORK boats?!
Captain Devero Boyee: Well –
Emily Litella: I mean — I mean, if you’re gonna have liverboats, you should also have some bacon, and some onions — I can’t believe it! What is — what is –?
Captain Devero Boyee: Miss Litella!
Emily Litella: What?!
Captain Devero Boyee: I’m the captain of a riverboat! A riverboat! Not a liverboat, a riverboat! We take leisurely cruises up and down the Mississippi.
Emily Litella: Ohhhhhh! Oh, well, that’s very different!
Captain Devero Boyee: Yes.
Emily Litella: [ turns to the camera ] Never mind!
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Busting Schoolchildren (Dec. 13,1975)

Chevy Chase: Weekend Update recognizes its obligation to present responsible opposing viewpoints to our editorials. Here to reply to a recent editorial, is Emily Litella.
Emily Litella: I’m here tonight to speak out against busting schoolchildren. Busting schoolchildren is a terrible, terrible thing. I hear this is going on all over the country. Mean policemen arrest little children and put them in jail in the wrong neighborhood, so they can’t even play with their little friends. Imagine, busting schoolchildren! The food in jail isn’t good, and even though they get bread, I don’t believe they can get toast. Or nice cake. Now, who will tuck them in? Where will they hang their leggings? Where will they set up their little lemonade stands? Well, they don’t have toys in jail, except maybe..
Chevy Chase: [ interrupting ] Miss Litella?
Emily Litella: Yes?
Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. The editorial was on bussing schoolchildren. Bussing. Not busting.
Emily Litella: Oh. I’m sorry. Never mind.
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Eagle rights (March 31, 1976)

Chevy Chase: [ blows his nose on the crumpled news sheet ] And now, in keeping with our policy to present responsible opposing viewpoints, here with an editorial reply is Emily Litella.
Emily Litella: What’s all this fuss I hear… about an Eagle Rights Amendment? Now, I realize that the eagle is the symbol for the United States of America. But I wouldn’t like to sit next to one on the bus! Well, I think the eagle’s been treated fair enough! We put them on the back of the quarter, didn’t we? Well, I’m angry! Do those birds expect to vote? They don’t even have fingers to push the little lever in the booth! And they’ll get their wings caught in the curtain! It’ll be a mess! Between you and me, if we give eagles rights, the next thing you know, we’ll have to give rights to pigeons! And then robins! And parakeets! Why, you won’t be able to get a seat in the park! It’ll be the BIRDS sitting on the bench throwing US little pieces of toast! If we’re gonna give birds rights, we’ll have to give them to parrots! At least they can talk! Not the eagle! They don’t do a thing! I –
Chevy Chase: Miss Litella? Miss Litella?
Emily Litella: What?!
Chevy Chase: The editorial was in favor of the Equal Rights Amendment. Not Eagle Rights — Equal Rights.
Emily Litella: Equal Rights?
Chevy Chase: Yes.
Emily Litella: For who?
Chevy Chase: Well, people, Miss Litella.
Emily Litella: Oh. Well, that’s reasonable.
Chevy Chase: Yes.
Emily Litella: Never mind!
Chevy Chase: “Weekend Update” recognizes its obligation to present responsible opposing viewpoints to our editorials — when we feel like it.
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Presidential erections (April 17, 1976)

Chevy Chase: “Weekend Update” recognizes its responsibility to present responsible opposing viewpoints to our editorials. Here, with an editorial reply, is Miss Emily Litella.
Emily Litella: What’s all this fuss I’ve been hearing about the 1976 presidential erection? Now, I know they erected a monument for Mr. Lincoln and President Washington, but that’s because they’re DEAD! Hopefully, the 1976 President won’t be DEAD! So he won’t NEED an erection! If Americans are going to spend money to erect anything, why don’t we tear down those nasty slums and erect luxury high rises for poor people and senior citizens! Not for presidents who can afford to pay for their OWN erections!
Chevy Chase: Miss Litella –
Emily Litella: I can’t believe the way things are turning out in this country — what?
Chevy Chase: I’m sorry. That’s election. The editorial was about the presidential election, not the presidential erection. Election.
Emily Litella: Oh, that’s very different.
Chevy Chase: Yes.
Emily Litella: [ smiling ] Never mind.
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Making Puerto Rico a steak (Jan. 15, 1977)

Jane Curtin: And now a new addition to our Update team is correspondent Emily Litella with tonight’s commentary. [applause] Well, Miss Litella – you’ve badgered us all for a long time and now you have a job. Welcome.
Emily Litella: [bespectacled little old lady with squeaky voice] Oh, well, thank you, Jane. It’s very lovely to be part of a news team. Ah, tonight’s commentary is very important because I hear that President Ford wants to make Puerto Rico a steak! … Now, why does he have to make them a steak? I didn’t think those people even liked meat. … Now, let me warn all of you. If you make Puerto Rico a steak, the next thing they’ll want is a baked potato! With sour cream and chives and little tiny bacon bits and pieces of toast! And then they’ll probably want a salad bar! Why, they’ll be lined up for miles! If President Ford wants to be remembered as a great president in his final days, he should do something about the price of coffee! Not steak! It’s outrageous! I can’t believe what that man is doing–
Jane Curtin: Miss Litella.
Emily Litella: What? What?
Jane Curtin: [speaking slowly and clearly] Miss Litella, you’ve done it again. That’s not “steak.” President Ford wants to make Puerto Rico a state. Not a steak — a state.
Emily Litella: Ohhhhh. Well, I’m sorry. [squints and grins, into camera] Never mind. … [applause]
Jane Curtin: Miss – Miss Litella. Let – let’s get something straight. We’ve put up with your slight hearing impairment for a long time now and in the beginning it was cute. But now you’re part of a news team and we like to report the news accurately. Now, if you don’t report the news accurately, we’ll have to let you go. No job is permanent. Do you understand me?
Emily Litella: Oh, yes, yes, I do. I’ll – I will certainly do my best. I’ll try to do better, hm.
Jane Curtin: Please do.
Emily Litella: Bitch! … [applause - after a moment, Miss Litella briefly holds up two fingers behind Jane's head to the crowd's delight]
Jane Curtin: That’s our news for tonight. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
[Jane turns and glares at Miss Litella as we push in and fade out.]
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Endangered feces (March 12, 1977)

Jane Curtin: And now, with tonight’s commentary, is “Update” correspondent Emily Litella.
Emily Litella: [ peeking into frame before the full pullback ] Why, thank you, Jane!
Jane Curtin: [ sharply ] I can’t wait to hear this “gem”.
Emily Litella: What’s all this FUSS I keep hearing… about endangered feces? Now, that’s outrageous!! Why — why are FECES endangered?! How can you POSSIBLY run out of such a thing?! Why — why, just look around you, you can see it ALL OVER the place!! Besides, who wants to SAVE THAT, anyway?! My goodness, where would we KEEP it?! It’s DANGEROUS, especially in the Summer!! Then — then, it could REALLY hit the fan!!
[ Emily begins to laugh, unable to stop, as Jane gives her a dirty look ]
Jane Curtin: What’s so funny?
Emily Litella: Ohhh… oh, my joke! [ she continues to laugh for a moment ] Oh, come on, Miss Curtin, didn’t you ever hear that one about “hitting the fan”? [ Jane remains silently annoyed ] Oh, come on, you old shiksa! Where have you been?
Jane Curtin: Species.
Emily Litella: What’s that?
Jane Curtin: Species! The list of endangered species! Not feces — species
Emily Litella: Ohhhh! I-I-I must have gotten carried away. [ turns to the camera and smiles ] Never mind!
[ the audience applauds ]
Jane Curtin: It’s wearing thin, Emily.
Emily Litella: What is?
Jane Curtin: The “Never mind” thing. You’ve been doing it for close to two years. At first it was cute, then it was tolerable; now it’s annoying.
Emily Litella: Oh, I’m sorry that you feel that way.
Jane Curtin: You’re ruining “Update”’s responsibility as a credible journalist.
Emily Litella: Oh, my goodness, I — Miss Curtin, I wouldn’t want to do anything like that.
Jane Curtin: I’m sure you wouldn’t. [ smiles maliciously ] So, why don’t you just quit “Update” and try your hand at something else? We can get along fine without you!
Emily Litella: Perhaps you could — bitch!
Jane Curtin: [ stung once more, faces the camera ] That’s our news for tonight. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.
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Finally, there was the time (Jan. 22, 1977) we got to see the Litella sisters at home, with Essie Litella played by Ruth Gordon. Click here for the transcript.

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