NASA photo

I realized immediately that this discovery of water was both good news and bad news. On the good side, we’ll have something to drink when we take our vacations on the moon. The request “shaken, not stirred” will have real utility. On the bad side, we won’t be allowed to use any of this water until legal water rights are worked out. Based on our experience in Washington state, that will never happen.

Soon after NASA’s announcement, speculation about the political and business implications of moon water began to hit the news services.

Andy Borowitz of the Huffington Post reported that both the United States and China were developing ambitious plans to be the first nation to pollute the moon’s water.

He quoted a NASA official: “Our mission is simple: get a rocket up there, dump some PCBs in the moon’s water, and then return safely to Earth.”

China will take a different approach. As an official said: “We hope to pollute the moon’s water with run-off from a lead toy factory.” (See Huffington Post.)

Corporations are lining up to exploit the possibilities: Executives at the company that makes Evian bottled water say they are moving their operation to the moon. As one executive said, “The waters of Lake Geneva are SO yesterday’s news.”

Unilever intends to build a Popsicle plant on the moon specializing in a new flavor of frozen treat: green cheese. “It’s ideal,” an official said. “We’ll have both ingredients — green cheese AND water — in one place.”

Music producers have recorded a new version of “Moon River.” (It seems someone revealed the secret years ago, but nobody paid any attention.)
(The last three items taken from “The Spoof.”)

One of the strangest stories to come out of the LCROSS experiment was the discovery of a water-filled marijuana bong on the far side of the moon, apparently left there from a moon walk in the late 1960s.

“It’s incredible,” said technician Anthony Culverson. “I knew lots of people were getting high in the 1960s, but I didn’t know they were getting THIS high!”

One observer noted: “Pink Floyd was trying to tell us something, man. It’s pretty obvious. I mean, it was found on the Dark Side of the Moon? The name of one of their albums? They smoked grass, man, and if you believe in transubstantiation like I do, anything is possible.”
(See Comedy Landfill.)

On a slightly more serious note, it’s not often that one can be entertained while learning about a science experiment. NASA folks really outdid themselves with this animated music video about LCROSS.

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Winning photo in the Rachel Carson Sense of Wonder contest. This photo was offered by Isabel L., age 16, and Isabel M., age 42.

The winners are not identified specifically, but you can review the photos, essays, poems and dances named as winners and honorable mentions by going to the EPA’s Web site. It doesn’t appear we have any winners from Washington state, but I hope local folks are entering this contest. Maybe we’ll have a winner or two next year. (See EPA site for entry details.)

The first-place photo at right is by Isabel L., age 16, and Isabel M., age 42. Here’s the description: “My mom and I were in the beach at Acapulco watching the sunset and while we talked about time and growing up. We took a picture of the sea and the sunset but we also captured a small boy playing in the sand enjoying the beach.”

Click here for the three photo winners and an honorable mention.

The winning poem was a combined effort of three generations of women: Katie, 21; MaryKate, 53; and Kate, 92.

Place of Peace
By: Katie, MaryKate and Kate

Knee-deep in purple asters, where maples gaily spill,
Unwept living crimson on our firm New England hill,
Our little half-built house awaits you, serene and still.
Such peace is here
And quiet dreaming.
No din of fear
Like sirens screaming
Or brass bells tolling, no dark hate rolling
That troubles the wind-washed silence under
These white clouds flying.
Only the crying of a far bird calling
Like a feather falling
That flutters earthward from above.
Warm as the sun that softly spills
Its life-giving light across the hills,
Kindling the crimson apples for the day of your returning.
When sunwashed sky turns crimson gold
And cool breezes fall from top of hill
Bringing clouds of bat food buzzing still

After the day’s chores done. Memories wash over
Of small children laughing in silver drops of water,

Blushing under other’s gazes peeking through clover.
My family founded in elder days
Continues the call that Nature makes
For our souls returning to this place of peace,
Where time stands still until we say
Who we are and where we are from.

From black olives and candy flowers made on Sunday’s
I am from the Lake (wet, warm, natural)
I am from the lily, dogwood, earth, planted in the front yard.
My mother’s earth. I’m from long trips and dark features.
From the long line of Kate’s and of Robert.
I’m from the stubborn and matriarchal.

I’m from tall altars and winding passages with spires from the sky.
I’m from Europe, France, England, Germany, Ireland, Scotland,
A mutt all around.
From the broken butt to being my rock and storms.
The stubborn women through and through
I am from the old, dust, moths, mold.
I am from mothers and lakes and lots of people,
With love.

Click here for the other winning poems.

The first-place essay is an illustrated story by Logan, age 6. It’s called “Fish with a Crab.” His kindergarten teacher, Linda, age 61, had this to say:

“I was amazed when Logan handed me his first story. It was two months ago. In one school year, he was gone from a total nonreader/writer, to a storyteller/illustrator. Equally amazing is his wealth of information about the natural world. He loves his fish tank, his tarantula, and all of the creatures that fill his life with joy… I see his pure delight in observing nature. He sees nature for what it is, an interaction between the living and nonliving world. His love of the wonder of nature fills him with stories and they flow freely from his heart and mind.”

The essays, including Logan’s can be found by clicking here.

Mixed media include both written creations and poetry.

This year, the EPA included a category of dance for the first time. I thought the Winged Migration dance — the second one below — was creative.

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Water has numerous effects, thanks to unintended additives, according to the video at right. But watch out for the consequences of consuming drinking water.

Quoting from the video:

“With residual pharmaceuticals entering our water table daily, you can be confident the cure is only a faucet away. Results may vary by region.”

And then the requisite warning:

“Water is not for everyone. Water may not be consumed if you are currently on water. If you’re pregnant and nursing, … might become pregnant or are reaching puberty before the age of 7, water may not be right for you. Please discontinue use of water while drowning or if drought occurs.”

And then come the freaky side effects of water, which take up the remainder of the video.

Another video about water purports to show a world record for drinking 1.5 liters of water — just about 4 seconds.

I found another video that has nothing to do with water but shows a world-record speed for a person getting undressed. I’m hoping this is amusing without being offensive.

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Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream,
Until you hit the waterfall
And then you start to scream.

New Tank for My Goldfish
By Kenn Nesbitt

I bought a new tank for my goldfish.
They shot me right in the behind,
and then they drove over
my little dog, Rover.
I guess that I bought the wrong kind.

Daddy Fell into the Pond
By Alfred Noyes

Everyone grumbled. The sky was grey.
We had nothing to do and nothing to say.
We were nearing the end of a dismal day,
And then there seemed to be nothing beyond,
Then
Daddy fell into the pond!

And everyone’s face grew merry and bright,
And Timothy danced for sheer delight.
“Give me the camera, quick, oh quick!
He’s crawling out of the duckweed!” Click!

Then the gardener suddenly slapped his knee,
And doubled up, shaking silently,
And the ducks all quacked as if they were daft,
And it sounded as if the old drake laughed.
Oh, there wasn’t a thing that didn’t respond
When
Daddy Fell into the pond!

Tinkle, Tinkle Little Car
By Cecilia L. Goodbody

Tinkle, Tinkle little car
How I wonder what you are.

Leaking oil every day
Having it your own way.

Going up hills real slow
I don’t want you any mo’.

Tinkle, Tinkle little car
Boy, what a lemon you are.

A Snowflake Falls
By Ruth Adams

One night I saw a snowflake fall,
Past memories it did recall,

And as the snow fell to the ground,
So quietly without a sound,

(Click here to read the entire poem.)

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I tracked down the video at right, which appears to shows an otter dancing to the music…

To round out our otter adventures, check out:

— The otters who made themselves at home in a human’s house and

— The otter who became close friends with a badger.

Who would have believed it?

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The first, in the viewer at right, is called “The Radical Rodents.” There is also the Radical Rodents 2 (click here).

These creatures seem more comfortable around water than Twiggy, the famous water-skiing squirrel. I won’t bother with you with those videos. Nor will I trouble you with videos of surfing cats, which seem to be freaked out by the surfing experience, despite claims of their owners.

I will, however, share with you a video of a surfing dog, which seems quite comfortable in the sport.

If you’d like to find out if pet rats enjoy water, check out the story in the London Daily Mail from October of last year.

If you want to observe whether rats like water, take a look at this video of rats playing in water and this one of rats diving for food. If you have a pet rat and want to teach him or her to love the water, check out this instructional video.

Finally, how about some rats “ice fishing,” as the video calls it.

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I thought it would take time, but be entertaining, to go through the many jokes and pick out the best ones. I guess the joke was on me, however. While fishermen apparently like to tell humorous stories, I found the same jokes over and over again — no more than a couple dozen total.

Here are the best of the ones that I can tell in mixed company, with an oddball video thrown in on the side. As always, if you know a good one, please feel free to tell it.

No fish

One day an inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole. He heard a loud voice say, “There are no fish down there.”

He walked several yards away, drilled another hole and peered in. Again the voice said, “There are no fish down there.”

He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole. Again the voice said, “There are no fish down there.”

The fisherman looked up into the sky and asked, “God, is that you?”

“No, you idiot,” the voice replied. “It’s the rink manager.”
—

Running from the law

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track, when out of the bushes jumped the game warden.

Immediately, one of the boys threw down his rod and started racing through the woods with the warden hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over to catch his breath. The warden finally caught up to him and gasped, “Let’s see your fishing license, boy!”

The young man pulled out his wallet and handed the game warden a valid fishing license.

“Well, son,” said the game warden, “you must be as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”

“Yes sir,” replied the boy, “but my friend back there, well, he don’t have one…”
—

The Fishy Trip

A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey, I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box? We’re leaving from the office, so I will swing by the house to pick up my things. Oh, and please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

The wife thinks the story sounds a little fishy, but she does exactly what her husband asks. The following weekend her husband comes home looking tired but otherwise happy. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish.

“Yes!” he says, “lot’s of walleye, some bluegill and a few Pike. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”

The wife replies, “I did; they were in your tackle box.”
—

The Funeral Procession

Kent and three buddies have gone fishing every Saturday for nearly forty years. One Saturday, the guys are fishing along a highway when a funeral procession drives by. Kent lays down his pole, stands up in the boat and places lucky hat over his heart.

The procession is huge and takes five minutes to pass. Once it is gone, Kent sits back down and casts his line without a word.

His buddies are amazed. One finally speaks up. “That sure was a respectful thing you did there.”

“It seems the least I could do,” Kent replied, “seeing as how I’ve been married to the woman for over forty years.”
—

Lucky Fisherman

Fishing season hadn’t started when a fisherman without a license was seen to be casting again and again into a stream. A stranger approaches.

“Any luck?” the stranger asks.

“Luck? This is a wonderful fishing spot,” the fisherman replied. “Why, yesterday, I took 10 fish out of this stream!”

“Is that so?” says the stranger. “By the way, do you know who I am?”

“Nope.”

“Well, meet the new game warden.”

“Oh,” gulped the fisherman. “Well, do you know who I am?”

“Nope.”

“Meet the biggest liar in the county!”
—

Too Much Ice

Have you heard the one about the three clueless fishermen (some say blondes) who went ice fishing and didn’t catch anything?

By the time they cut a hole big enough for the boat to fit into the ice, it was time to go home.
—

Fishing Success

Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, “I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!”

“That bad, huh?”

“She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong and used the wrong lures. Worst of all, she caught more fish than me!”
—

Do You Know Mick?

A fish goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. So he says, “Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation.”

Patti looks at the fish in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The fish says $30,000. The teller asks his name, and the fish says that his name is Rainbow Jagger; his dad is Mick Jagger; and he knows the bank manager.

Patti said he will need collateral for a $30,000 loan. The fish says, “I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain fly rod and reel, about an inch long. Confused, Patti says she’ll need to consult with the manager, who is in a back office.

She tells the manager, “There’s a fish named Rainbow Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny rod and reel. “I mean, what the heck is this?”

The bank manager looks back at her and says, “It’s a knick-knack, Patti Whack. Give the fish a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
—

One-Liner

“I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife … best trade I ever made.”

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In the old days, if I had a question, I would need to call and talk to someone on the phone. Now, I can simply type a few words into my Google search engine — and voila! There’s hardly a need to talk to anybody at all.

Typewriters have given way to powerful computers. Type a few letters and the computer will complete your word, your sentence, your thoughts.

The Internet has brought us videos, interactive computer games and even this blog. It won’t be long until I can program my computer to write this blog, so I can spend my time doing other things — such as searching out funny videos for this Amusing Monday feature.

This week, we turn to “The Onion” for some “news” about how various technologies have made our lives richer. Check out these links. (If you encounter an ad, wait a few seconds then click on the text above each screen to skip it.)

You Tube contest challenges amateur film producers

Facebook and Twitter keep you connected with your teens

Google’s new Opt Out Village

“Warcraft” sequel brings more realism to video gaming

Can video games prepare your child for the future?

The future is now: Macbook Wheel

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The health concerns are very real. Some groups have tried to convey the concerns with entertaining videos about water quality, particularly in countries where sanitary facilities are lacking.

I’d like to share some take-offs of old movies and a TV commercial put together by the online magazine “Good.” The occasion was World Water Day in March, created by the United Nations to call attention to the importance of clean water.

The altered movies are “Cool Hand Luke” and “Psycho.” Click here to see the commercial for “Crocodile Mile.”

For good measure, I’ve thrown in something called “Good Water.”

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I’ve posted my two favorite videos here. Neither of the You Tube postings identifies who wrote the songs or who performed them. Please let me know if you have details about them. I guess the second may have been shown on “Bill Nye, the Science Guy.”

Considering all the water cycle videos I found, I thought it might be some kind of contest until I realized that the videos were produced at various times over several years. Still, some people pretended there was a contest. For example, Jared Simpson, who writes Waterblogged.info, created some interesting categories for a bunch of water-related videos he posted on his blog.

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