Making the rounds in e-mail, blogs and funny websites is an
unusual collection of wildlife photographs bearing the introductory
caption, “Don’t sit around the house. Get out and enjoy
nature!”
Enjoy nature, indeed!
I don’t know how this collection got started, but it has morphed
slightly over time as different people add their own touches. One
of the easiest to scan is the set of photos on the Imgur
photo-sharing website.
While this certainly qualifies for this “Amusing Monday”
feature, I have no idea who should get the credit. From the
inscriptions on some of the pictures, they come from a variety of
sources. I’m just glad someone with a camera was nearby when these
things took place.
By the way, while most start out with the suggestion to
“Get out and enjoy nature!” a few end with the
comment, “Never mind; go back inside.”
First, the folks at Sea World confine them in a tight space.
Then trainers teach them tricks. Finally, they are expected to
perform before a live audience.
I could be talking about killer whales, but I’m actually
describing the activities of Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb,
cohosts of NBC’s “Today” show.
A big-screen TV was erected in front of a killer whale tank, so
four orcas could offer their encouragement to Kathie Lee and Hoda.
Unfortunately, the whales kept trying to change the channel.
At first, the training of the two TV personalities did not go so
well. Julie Scardina, Sea World’s “animal ambassador,” had a hard
time keeping the two focused on the task at hand.
Kathie Lee was worried about how her underarms looked and
appeared to be focused on the huge TV rather than the simple
movements she was asked to perform.
“Gee, I think I need to lose some weight,” she said. “Speaking
of killer whales!”
The whales watching the screen were hardly amused.
Julie finally was able to get Kathie Lee and Hoda to pay
attention, and she showed them how to turn and move their arms. It
was a challenge for the two humans, but Julie taught them a little
ditty that helped them perform the task: “Splash and turn… Splash
and turn…,” they repeated over and over again.
The whales responded with encouragement, swimming the length of
their pool, as the two co-hosts finally learned their new
tricks.
Many people think it is cruel to confine killer whales in small
tanks and expect them to perform for a few fish. But you should
have seen the relief on their faces when the trainers finally took
away the giant TV. Forcing the orcas to watch Kathie Lee and Hoda
do their tricks seemed truly traumatic to them.
I hear that Sea World trainers are considering installing a TV
near the killer whale pool and keeping it on all the time. Nobody
knows if the whales would become addicted to television like
lesser-intelligent humans. What shows would they want to watch
anyway? Feel free to speculate.
Anyway, I want to thank blogger
Candace Calloway Whiting for dredging up this video. Somehow I
missed the original “Today” show segment from last summer.
To view the complete segment, which includes more on the killer
whales along with footage of other animals, go to the
Today show webpage.
Whether you love or hate the snow, a bit of humor always comes
in handy during the recent weather we’ve been having.
The following are some quotes, jokes and a couple videos I
gleaned from the Internet. Each item lists a source with more funny
stuff. If you have a favorite winter joke, please add it in the
comments section below.
“Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t
start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.” — Kin
Hubbard (Quote
Garden)
“There’s one good thing about snow, it makes your lawn look as
nice as your neighbor’s.” — Clyde Moore (Quote Garden)
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary
freezing of water.” — Carl Reiner (Quote Garden)
“The trouble with weather forecasting is that it’s right too
often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on
it.” — Patrick Young (Quote Garden)
Of winter’s lifeless world each tree
Now seems a perfect part;
Yet each one holds summer’s secret
Deep down within its heart.
~Charles G. Stater (Quote Garden)
“Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if
you ignore them long enough.” — Earl Wilson (Quote Garden)
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a
sled through snow.” — Jeff Valdez (The Quotations
Page)
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’” — Robert Byrne
(Quote
Garden)
Some definitions:
Winter: The age of shivery and shovelry.
Antarctic: Snowman’s land.
Flaky Person: A man who loves to be outside when it
snows.
It was so cold … that even the kids at the mall were
pulling their pants up.
(Snow and Mud)
Winter Story
My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York
State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I
was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation. “If they could
live here all those years, so can we!” my husband confidently
declared.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we
woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband
called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.
After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. “For the past 30
years,” he muttered, “they’ve gone to Florida for the winter.”
A touch of snow back in November caused me to post an entry
about
“snow dogs,” so whatever snow we get this week deserves a
sequel about “snow cats.”
The two cats in the video player at right seem to catch the
spirit of fresh, clean, cold snow. They paw at the fluff, run about
aimlessly and attack each other. The music seems appropriate
somehow. Just think how thrilling these two would be if they could
use their little paws to form big snowballs. For an example of
that, check out the cartoon linked below as Simon’s Cat.
At the other extreme is a young cat that seems to have no clue
what to do with the snow. Must be a first-time snow
cat.
A
cat named Doughnut seems to have no fear of the snow, but
frustration takes over when he is unable to make it up a steep roof
and into a bedroom window, as he has done routinely so many times
before.
Just before Christmas, my wife Sue bought a wall clock with a
face that appears to be a water-color print of a nice cottage in a
meadow. There’s a stream in the foreground and trees in the
background. Sue said she wanted to have a clock in the bathroom to
keep her on time as she gets dressed and ready to leave the
house.
Audubon singing bird clock /
Click on image to visit DutchGuard.com and hear the
birds
The day after she put up the clock, as I was getting out of the
shower, the bathroom suddenly became immersed in the sound of
singing birds. Sue had purchased a clock that somehow forced a
large number of birds to sing on cue at the top of every hour.
I’ve gotten used to the clock, but I was wondering if people
really enjoy time pieces that make animal noises. Judging by what I
found on the Internet, I guess they do. The Audubon clock, at
right, features the sounds of real birds, unlike the mixture of
birds calls that come from out bathroom.
The folks at DutchGuard.com are serious about their bird
clocks:
“Don’t be fooled by imitations. Our original bird clocks sing
longer and sound like real birds… Most people buy our bird clocks
because of the wonderful songs, but we would be remiss if we did
not mention the attention to detail which went into the pictures.
In consultation with experts every effort was made to accurately
depict in true colors each of the twelve birds. Our insistence on
getting the images and sounds ‘just right’ took the better part of
a year.”
Other clocks are more amusing. I’ve posted some some of the ones
I have found. Click on the little MP3 player to hear the sound, or
click on the image for the website where you can order any of these
clocks. You may find other websites featuring the same clocks but
without the sound samples.
“National Wildlife,” the magazine of the National Wildlife
Federation, consistently presents some of the best nature
photography around. I count on the magazine’s
annual photography contest for some amusing and touching
pictures with a water theme.
The picture of the waterfall, at right, shows a human figure
doing a cartwheel in front of a waterfall at the end of a rainbow.
The photo won first place in the amateur category “Connecting
People and Nature.”
I was amused by the human jubilation juxtaposed against hard and
soft landscape elements.
The photographer, Justin Black of McKinney, Texas, found the
rainbow at the Skógafoss Waterfall in Iceland during a visit with
his college classmates from Switzerland. When one person was
inspired to do a cartwheel, Black grabbed the shot, adding the
important human element to the scene.
Another amusing photo shows a frog in the middle of a jump,
below. It was taken by Rolf Nussbaumer of New Braunfels, Texas, and
won first place in the category “Other Wildlife, Professional.”
Nussbaumer explained that the photo was taken after a dry period
in Texas, when rainfall triggered a burst of yellow wildflowers and
an abundance of toads and frogs. One cane frog in a field near
Loredo was jumping unusually high, and Nussbaumer was able to
freeze the motion. The photo editors noted that the cane toad is an
invasive species in some parts of the country, but not in southern
Texas, where it is native.
For more amazing images from 2011, go to the
contest page, where 17 pictures are laid out on a page with
notes from the photographers. Better yet, view more than 30
photographs from winners at all levels in a
slideshow on the website.
Thousands of snow globes have been produced since the 1800s,
when the first ones were brought out for public display in the
1800s. Today, it’s easy to find these little glass balls filled
with fluid, especially at Christmas, and many globes feature Santa
Claus and snowmen.
According to Wikipedia, at least
five companies began producing snow globes throughout Europe soon
after they became a popular item at the Paris Universal Expo of
1878.
In the early 1920s, snow globes were brought to the United
States, where many of the early ones were produced by Atlas Crystal
Works. The first U.S. patent was issued in 1927 to Joseph Garaja of
Pittsburgh, Penn., and during the 1940s these attractive objects
were used in advertising.
While snow globes are displayed in many gift stores as potential
Christmas presents, don’t try to board a plane in possession of a
tiny glass ball filled with unidentified liquid. The Transportation
Security Administration has posted signs warning travelers that the
glass objects cannot go with you unless you place them in your
checked baggage. See
“We Know Memes” for a photo of the warning sign.
I’ve searched the Internet for amusing snow globes, but I’ve
barely touched the surface of what is available. Originally from
Kansas, I got a kick out of one with a moving tornado from the
Wizard of Oz.
Other examples follow. Please tell me what you think and send
along links or photos of any other globes that you have found to be
interesting, stupid or otherwise noteworthy.
Knowing more than a few sewer operators in my day, I can tell
you that their leading pet peeve is all the stuff that people dump
down their toilets and drains.
I’ll never forget the courtroom description of a giant “rag
ball” — some 30 feet long — found in Bremerton’s sewer. Rag balls
are the accumulation of diapers, tampons and baby wipes that get
flushed down the toilet and become caught somewhere in the sewer
lines.
Bremerton’s famous rag ball became wrapped up in courtroom
testimony during a lawsuit against a sewer contractor hired by the
city to run the operation. For details, check out my story from
April of 1998.
Steve Anderson
What I really wanted to share with you this week is a song
called “O Christmas Grease” by Steve Anderson, a water resources
analyst at Clean Water Services. This is the agency that manages
wastewater and stormwater in a 12-city region west of Portland,
Ore.
Steve often writes music and performs in a band when he’s not
working at the utility. He told me that he started writing original
songs as well as parodies of existing tunes to entertain his fellow
water experts at conferences. Last week, for example, he showed up
at a conference to help educators decide whether humor is useful in
educating people about wastewater issues.
Steve says the public-education folks at Clean Water Services
tolerates his songs, but they do not fully embrace his activities.
His first song — a parody about the low levels of drugs that make
it through the treatment process — got him into a little hot water
with some folks in the business. “Dope in the Water” is sung to the
tune of the Deep Purple original.
“The Ballad of Betty Poop” was written as a kid’s song for
Take-Your-Children-to-Work Day. It’s about the adventures of a
plastic GI Joe and other characters. It includes these famous
lines: “Give it up, you toilet treasures… You’ll never make it all
the way to the river…”
Steve has not released these songs to the public, though he
readily shares them with friends and anyone who will listen. I must
thank Gayle Leonard, who writes a blog called “Thirsty
in Suburbia,” for bringing Steve’s songs out into the light and
putting me in touch with this creative force in the sewer
world.
“Mythbusters,” the television show that takes on urban legends
and other strange science-based questions, put together a
compilation of more than a dozen featured experiments in a program
titled “Wet and Wild.”
This show could have been made with “Amusing Monday” in mind.
Unfortunately, the Discovery Channel chose not to offer the entire
program to online viewers.
The good news is that I was able to find some of the segments
separately and will provide them for you here, beginning with the
wild waterslide ride, which is in the video player on this
page.
Running on water (This was not in the “Wet and Wild” program,
but it should have been.)
If you haven’t heard, one of the Mythbusters cannon balls got
away last week, skipping away from a bomb range in California and
damaging a house near the site of the experiment. Check out the
Associated
Press video or read the
AP story.
Bottled water is inherently funny, and Jim Gaffigan comes to
grips with the humorous elements like few people I have seen.
I keep trying to find comedians who can speak to water issues,
but it’s hard to find funny people who don’t swear up a storm.
There’s plenty of nasty stuff on this blog without polluting it
with dirty words. At least some comedy shows — including the Daily
Show with Jon Stewart — bleep out the dirty words before they post
the videos.
Gaffigan takes the unusual approach of practically swearing off
swearing altogether in his routines. Here’s what he said in an
article in
Straight magazine:
“I’ve always felt like when I have cursed in the past that it’s
been kind of cheating. That’s not to say that dirty jokes aren’t
funny. It’s just that I feel like it’s a bigger mountain to
climb….I’ve always been like, I wouldn’t want to do a joke that
would embarrass my mom. Like, there are Def [Comedy Jam] comics
that are talking about eating p —-, then they’re like, ‘I love you,
Mom!’ There’s this ironic twist there.”
Gaffigan has a kind of an indoors-outdoors thing going, and he
calls himself “indoorsy” as opposed to his wife, who is always
trying to drag him outdoors, or so he says. Check out his description of
camping.
"In the end, we will conserve only what we love, we will love only what we understand, and we will understand only what we are taught."
— Baba Dioum, Senegalese conservationist
Scripps Interactive Newspapers Group
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