A sampling of quotes about water, the environment, energy, the economy and our crazy society. These and a lot more can be found at Grinning Planet, which lives by the motto “saving the planet one joke at a time.”

“How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is clearly Ocean.”
— Arthur C. Clarke

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
— Dave Barry

“It’s hard for the modern generation to understand Thoreau, who lived beside a pond but didn’t own water skis or a snorkel.”
— Loudon Wainwright

“Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.”
— Hal Borland

“There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.”
— Erma Bombeck

“Anyone who believes exponential growth can go on forever in a finite world is either a madman or an economist.”
— Kenneth Boulding

“A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good, and a real one.”
— J.P. Morgan

“That’s the thing about Mother Nature, she really doesn’t care what economic bracket you’re in.”
— Whoopi Goldberg

“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.”
— David Letterman

“We could have saved the Earth but we were too damned cheap.”
— Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

“‘Growth’ and ‘progress’ are among the key words in our national vocabulary. But modern man now carries Strontium 90 in his bones … DDT in his fat, asbestos in his lungs. A little more of this ‘progress’ and ‘growth,’ and this man will be dead.”
— Morris K. “Mo” Udall

“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
— Steven Wright

“I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.”
— Groucho Marx

“If it weren’t for electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”
— George Gobel

“President Bush has a plan [to fight global warming]. He says that if we need to, we can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.”
— Jimmy Kimmel

“Why should I care about future generations? What have they ever done for me?”
— Groucho Marx

“The only two herbicides we recommend are cultivation and mulching.”
— Organic Gardening magazine

“The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking… If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.”
— Albert Einstein

“Don’t get me wrong: I love nuclear energy! It’s just that I prefer fusion to fission. And it just so happens that there’s an enormous fusion reactor safely banked a few million miles from us. It delivers more than we could ever use in just about 8 minutes. And it’s wireless!”
— William McDonough

“Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow.”
— Arthur Stringer

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.”
— Mark Twain

“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.”
— Doug Larson

“Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.”
— Bill Vaughan

“The greenest house is the one that never gets built.”
— Whit Faulconer

“The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.”
— Steven Wright

Are you ready to reduce your water consumption and save some money next year? Here are a couple of New Year’s resolutions that could help:

• I resolve to wash less laundry and use more deodorant
• I resolve to stop taking showers but start enjoying the rain — naked.

For drivers of expensive cars:

• I resolve to always check for fire hydrants before parking my BMW.

Click here for other New Year’s resolutions in photos. These are all over the Internet in various collections, so I’m not sure who should get the credits.

By the way, the tradition of New Year’s resolutions dates to at least 154 B.C., when the Roman Senate decided to put an end to a long series of calendar alterations made by Roman emperors. January, named for the Roman god Janus, was moved to the beginning of the annual calendar.

With two faces, Janus could look backward to the past and forward to the future. Janus became the symbol for New Year’s, a time when many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and exchanged gifts as the new year began.

Roman bust of Janus (Click to enlarge.) Vatican Museums

For more New Year’s history, go to unmuseum.org and goalsguy.com.

Comedian Joey Adams once offered this optimistic outlook on the new year: “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”

And finally a quote from an unidentified person who takes New Year’s resolutions as seriously as I do: “A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

For more New Year’s quotes, see searchwarp.com.

An unidentified pod of killer whales was reported yesterday in the snow near the home of Doug McCutchen and Kari Koske on San Juan Island.

“Snorkas” on San Juan Island. (Click to enlarge.) Photo courtesy of Doug McCutchen

“They’ve been milling slowly in the same place for the last 28 hours now,” they reported to Orca Network. “No vocalizations or other surface activity.”

Orca Network dubbed them “snorkas” for snow orcas.

I thought this was a nice piece of sculpture work, but I was wondering how Doug and Kari were able to color the snow black in exactly the right places. Doug sent me this note:

“We used some old oil that had been kicking around the shop after changing oil in the car awhile back. Kidding! We simply cut the black portions out in Photoshop, pasted them into a new window, adjusted the contrast, and then pasted them back in again. Really didn’t spend much time on it, as you can tell if you look closely. We’d made the whales the night before by rolling big snowballs together then sculpting with a machete. It snowed another 4-6″ that night, so they’re a little softer than the originals.”

Speaking of killer whale sightings, Orca Network has been receiving reports of animals in Central and South Puget Sound the past few days.

The latest report was about 9 a.m. this morning near Kingston. Because of the weather and difficulty seeing from shore, many of the reports are coming from ferry crews.

Sightings yesterday included one near Fay Bainbridge State Park and another from Restoration Point, both on Bainbridge Island. Later in the day, three groups of orcas were seen traveling down Colvos Passage between the Kitsap Peninsula and Vashon Island.

I realize that many people are getting sick of snow in the Puget Sound area as well as other parts of the country. I wanted to take a moment to celebrate the snow and post a few pictures or videos that might lighten the mood for those who need a lift.

Unfortunately, most of the locally produced snow videos show little more than stuck cars and car crashes, which I rarely find amusing. And I cringe at ski accidents and injuries on snowmobiles, which are often compiled and promoted as funny.

So here’s a compilation of photos showing what snow can do. Yes, I’m posting this “Amusing Monday” a day earlier than normal.

Animals are sometimes funny in the snow, but the reactions of people are more amusing.

OK, I need to show you one car accident.

If you’ve seen enough snowy car accidents, as I have, then watch how this one turns out.

Seriously, I know that the snow can be a pain. But we don’t often see anything like this snow we’re getting. While you have a chance, bundle up warmly and venture out into the world of snow. Let the joy of childhood overtake you, and enjoy a cup of hot chocolate for me.

I was all set this week to show you an interactive Web site where, with your intervention, lumps of coal could take on human attributes.

Clicking your mouse, you could dress up these coal chunks in various hats and scarfs, pick a background such as a sunny beach or a field of snow, then cue these hard-headed lumps to sing Christmas carols about the benefits of “clean coal.”

It was one of the silliest things I’ve seen this year. Alas, the American Coalition of Clean Coal Electricity, which launched the Clean Coal Carolers, dismantled the Web site at the end of last week, only five days after it went up.

I was able to find a version that someone recorded for You Tube, so you can watch one version of the show in the window below.

ACCCE officials never gave much explanation about why the site was taken down so soon. See the note from Joe Lucas, vice president of communications.

Maybe it was the environmental groups who blasted the display, saying there is no such thing as clean coal. Maybe it was the folks who objected to turning sacred Christmas songs, such as Silent Night, into a public relations stunt. Maybe the ACCCE realized that the ridicule coming down on the site was drowning out the message the organization was trying to get out.

Here’s a video showing the Clean Coal Carolers at work:

The whole brouhaha about this public relations gimmick is fairly amusing. A blogger called Green Mullet had this to say:

Leave it up to one of the most polluting industries in the country, the single largest spewer of mercury in the U.S., to tarnish the spirit of the season with a campaign like this.

One of the songs is called “Clean Coal Night.” Is there a way to get baby Jesus (or big Jesus) to give an endorsement? The singers who lended their voices for these songs might as well be singing “See you in Hell” by the ugly (but great) Grim Reaper, circa 1987.

Another blogger named Envirowonk offered his perspective of how the idea came into being.

The coal industry is actually very serious about developing a technology that can take the pollutants out of coal. Whether that can be accomplished is highly controversial and politically loaded.

Although not amusing, here’s a fairly balanced look at the issue produced in June by a CBS News team headed by Wyatt Andrews.

This week, I’d like to share some videos in which the creators take a crazy look at some large birds that, in real life, walk about awkwardly but swim with unusual grace.

You may have seen this video before. Circulating on the Internet for at least four years, this clip has generated a lot of excitement. Several people have sent it to me by e-mail, and YouTube keeps getting mileage from it. The video shows a killer whale breaching and coming down on top of a nearby kayaker. But things are not always as they seem.

It turns out that the video is the Korean version of a commercial for Poweraid, an energy drink made by Coca Cola, according to Snopes.com, which is a good place to check out Internet rumors and falsehoods.

I have yet to see the English version of this commercial. But the footage of the killer whale breaching without any kayaks around can be seen in the trailer for the movie “Lolita: Slave to Entertainment.”

So it appears that this video has a Northwest connection. As many of you know, Lolita, captured in Puget Sound in 1970, is the last orca from this area to remain alive in an aquarium, and she can be seen doing tricks in Miami.

Meanwhile, opponents of captive orcas continue their effort to return Lolita to Puget Sound, a subject that has been debated in Water Ways over the past year.

Orca Network provides a lot of background information on its Lolita Web page. The organization also holds fundraisers to help in the effort to return Lolita to her native waters.

Since Lolita was captured as a calf, the whale in this video cannot be her. Can anyone can identify the orca that so gracefully crushes a kayaker? Also, if anyone has information about the footage in “Lolita: Slave to Entertainment,” I’d like to hear more.

It’s amusing Monday again. We’ve had stories, photos, odd-ball videos, animal tricks, cartoons, jokes and even award-winning films. What we haven’t had so far is music.

Bowser (left) and Blue

So here, for your listening pleasure (or at least your temporary amusement I hope), are a couple of funny Canadians who have been writing off-the-wall songs and making fools of themselves for about 30 years. They live in Montreal and call themselves Bowser and Blue, which I thought sounded like a couple of dogs until I realized that their names are George Bowser and Rick Blue.

The following video is a performance of their song “Halifax Harbour.” I chose this tune because Halifax is one of Canada’s “water ways.” But you may wish to check out some of their other performances, listed on their Web page on You Tube. With Christmas not far off, check out “Why Spell Christmas with an X?”

Be forewarned, however. Some of their songs are slightly irreverent, off-color and even medically oriented. But if you happen to be in the right frame of mind, I’m sure you’ll enjoy these two wild and crazy guys.

I have gotten to know quite a few marine biologists through the years. I’ve generally admired their dedication and devotion. In the first video below, I found it interesting to compare the attitudes of whale researchers to xxxx, who has studied ant eaters for many years. Here he is featured in a piece from The Onion News Network.

Also, it may be worth noting that I have covered more than a few whale strandings in my carrier. In the second video, it was interesting to see how The Onion captured the drama of a rare beaching of a different creature.

Expert On Anteaters Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters

Barbara Bush Runs Aground Off Coast Of Maine

This is for all of us who are grandparents and for those of us who have fond memories of grandparents. Farther down the page you’ll find some definitions of love, as described by children, which I think you will enjoy.

I pulled these from an e-mail I received, source unknown:

My grandson called the other day to wish me a Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, “62.” He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

A grandmother was telling her granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

Our five-year-old grandson couldn’t wait to tell his grandfather about the movie we had watched on television: “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.” The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted. “Mark, what caused the submarine to sink?” With a look of incredulity, Mark replied, “Grandpa, it was the 20,000 leaks!”

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

Attached to the e-mail were a couple of items that someone pulled from another source about kids and fire fighters.

“Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher.
The small boy wrote, “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him.
“Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked.
“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.”

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child.
“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dog,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

Finally, I received an e-mail on the subject of love, as described by children. There may be some lessons in here for all of us. I traced versions of this back to 2000, but I was unable to locate the original source.
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