Amusing Monday: Flipping for the bird

In case you missed this letter to the editor from Richard C. Yerk of Suquamish, I will repeat it here:

Print by Phil Jones. Click on image to purchase.
Print by Phil Jones // Click image to purchase

“I would like to suggest a common-sense approach to protect the endangered salmon and steelhead in the Columbia River Basin (‘Terns to be driven from islands,’ Feb. 9).

“The Caspian terns that nest on the man made islands apparently have a voracious appetite for juvenile steelhead salmon. The Army Corps of Engineers plans a test planting of willows to the open ground the terns favor for nesting.

“A more viable and cost-effective solution would be for the federal officials to plant marijuana, not that it’s legal. Those of us who remember the 1960s warnings from the National Institutes of Health of the personality changes associated with pot would surely endorse such a plan. The terns would nest among the plants, develop an insatiable appetite for the buds, and perhaps eventually wean themselves off salmon.

“I believe, to ensure future runs of endangered salmon, that it is incumbent that federal officials leave no tern unstoned.”

I have heard the phrase “no tern unstoned” before but never with such a strong connection to current events, including efforts to save endangered salmon and marijuana legalization. That was a nice touch.

Here are some more bird jokes:

Vultures on a plane: Two turkey vultures were preparing to migrate north for the summer but, after talking about it, they decided they were too old to fly all that way, so they decided to take a plane. When they were about to board the aircraft, the flight attendant, noticing that both buzzards were carrying a dead armadillo, asked, “Would you like to check those armadillos through as luggage?” “No thanks,” the buzzards replied, “they’re carrion.” WildBirds.com

Penguins on the loose: This guy in a station wagon is riding down the road with the back full of penguins. A cop sees him and pulls him over and says, “I want you to take those penguins to the zoo right now!” The guy says, “O.K.” Next day the cop sees this same guy going down the road with the penguins in the back. This time the penguins are wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over again and says,”I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.” The guy answers, “Yeah, that’s right, we went and had a helluva time. We’re going to the beach today!” WildBirds.com

Crow or raven: I understand that a crow has one less pinion feather than a raven. Therefore, how can you tell a crow from a raven? It’s a matter of a pinion. WildBirds.com

Watch parrot: A postal carrier is working on a new beat. He comes to a garden gate marked BEWARE OF THE PARROT! He looks down the garden and, sure enough, there’s a parrot sitting on its perch. He has a little chuckle to himself at the sign and the parrot there on its perch. The mailman opens the gate and walks into the garden. He gets as far as the parrot’s perch, when suddenly, it calls out: “REX, ATTACK!” Planned Parrothood

Three riddles from Funology:

Q: When should you buy a bird?
A: When it’s going cheep!

Q: Why does a stork stand on one leg?
A: Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?
A: He was a dirty double crosser!

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