Watching Our Water Ways

Especially for boaters, I offer you some definitions of nautical terms from a number of Internet sources.

AHOY: The first in a series of four letter words commonly exchanged by skippers as their boats approach one another.

ASTERN: A type of look. Your spouse gives you astern look when you attempt to buy things for your new vessel.

ATHWARTS: A cross between foot fungus and growths on hands, caused by handling or walking on very active toads.

BILGE: A storage area in the bottom of the vessel for all the things you dropped and cannot find. Also a mixing area for water, fuel and head output.

BRIDGE: Something you cross to get to the other side of a body of water when you don’t have a vessel available. Can also be used for removing masts of sailing vessels if the bridge is low enough.

BULKHEAD: Very large restroom.

CAPSIZE: The size you need to know when shopping for a hat or cap.

CALM: Sea condition characterized by the simultaneous disappearance of the wind and the last cold beer.

COMPASS: A navigational aid that accurately points to the largest metal object on your boat.

CREW: Heavy, stationary objects used on ship to hold down charts, anchor cushions in place and dampen sudden movements of the boom.

EMBARK: Get on the Ark.

GALLEY: In ancient times, an aspect of seafaring associated with slavery. In modern times, an aspect of seafaring associated with slavery.

GANGWAY: Ramp where groups (gangs) of salespeople await the ship’s passengers.

GROUNDING: Embarrassing situation in which a sailor returns to shore without leaving his boat.

GUNWALE: The part of a vessel near the side used for supporting one’s midsection while one is engaged in the practice of heaving.

KEEL: A stopping device for your vessel. It works by contacting the bottom of the water body you are in, thus inhibiting forward motion.

MARINA: Commercial dock facility. Among the few places, under admiralty law, where certain forms of piracy are still permitted.

NAUTICAL MILE: Not a real mile; too far to swim to shore.

PORT: Left, on a boat. Also, a place you wish you never left on a boat.

PROPELLER: Underwater winch designed to wind up at high speeds any lines left hanging over the stern.

ROPE LADDER: Ladder designed to get you into the water but not back out.

SAILING: Fine art of getting wet and becoming ill while going nowhere slowly at great expense (equivalent to standing in a cold shower, fully clothed, throwing up, and tearing up $100 bills, while a bunch of other people watch).

SINGLE-HANDED SAILING: The only situation in which the skipper does not immediately blame the crew for every single thing that goes wrong.

SINK: Unless there is a huge amount of frantic activity on deck, large stainless steel unit in the kitchen; also, to quote Bill Dana (Jose Jimenez), “Oh, I hope not!”

SQUARE RIGGER: Rigger over 30. Also, any sailor who goes to sleep early.

TENDER: How your skin will feel after the first day on a Caribbean cruise. Also, a small boat to take passengers ashore, making them wonder why their port taxes are not being used to construct a dock with cruise ship berths.

THROUGH–THE-HULL FITTING: A leak.

TOPSIDES: The part of the boat not in the water. Also what you should not be caught looking at if you are a married male.

WAVE: A unique feature of water that enables it to gain entry into your boat.

WAKE: What you won’t want to do at 6 a.m. if you attended the midnight buffet.

If you’d like more such definitions, check out these sources: Water Spirits, SeaLetter Cruise Magazine, The Chesapeake Bay Guide, Cruisers Forum, and Blue Water Sailing.

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Tags: Nautical terms

This entry was posted on Monday, August 10th, 2009 at 6:00 am and is filed under Boaters, shippers, Fishing interests, Humor, Recreation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.