Ten things that might explain what Tiger Woods was doing when
drove his 2009
Cadillac Escalade into a fire hydrant and a tree in his neighbor’s yard after pulling out of his driveway sometime around 2:20 a.m. on Friday:
1. Putters were half-price at Wal-Mart and he wanted to be first in line at the Black Friday sales.
2. Buick, a longtime sponsor of Woods, sabotaged the steering
3. Tiger was going fishing. His $2.4 million home is located in
with a chain of small lakes.
4. After a big turkey dinner, Tiger fell asleep and had a nightmare about Phil Mickelson. Instead of turning right when he backed out of his driveway, he went ‘Lefty’ on us.
5. Shaquille O’Neal lives in the same development and Tiger figured he could finally get away with running into a few things while O’Neal, who prides himself on being a volunteer cop, was out of town with the Cavaliers.
6. Tiger’s tired of smashing golf records and decided to smash something else.
7. Tiger was still distraught over Stanford’s loss to Cal in the Big Game.
8. Tiger’s just a bad driver. While most kids were cruising the streets, he was living at the golf course, hitting balls for hours and hours.
9. He was going to the super market to buy a copy of this week’s National Enquirer, which reports that Tiger is having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, whoever she is.
10. He was driving to the National Enquirer’s office in North Florida and tee off on those responsible for printing the story about his alleged affair.