Peninsular Thinking

PORT ORCHARD — Kay Arens is quick to point out that President Barack Obama on his visit to Seattle Feb. 17 knew nothing of the drama that was unfolding at Seattle Children’s Hospital, as baby Kamryn Elizabeth Aubrey of Port Orchard lay waiting for her heart transplant.

Kamryn is now doing quite well, but her medical complications place a financial burden on her parents, Kelli and Mike Aubrey. Arens, a friend of the baby’s family, called to note a fundraiser concert Saturday in Gig Harbor.

Kelli Aubrey is quick to point out that, contrary to some stories going around, the president’s arrival did not delay the surgery. It did add one more layer of anxiety to an already tense situation.

Kamryn was perfectly normal at birth and for her first two weeks of life. Then suddenly she went downhill. Her breathing became labored, and she was lethargic. She didn’t eat or cry normally. On Christmas Eve, her feet started turning blue.

The Aubreys rushed Kamryn to Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital in Tacoma. The baby’s temperature was 94 degrees. Tests on Christmas Day revealed a heart defect that turned out to be left ventricle noncompaction dilated cardiomyopathy. The condition involves defective development of the heart tissue, resulting in ineffective pumping of blood. The prognosis for patients is poor, and a heart transplant typically is needed.

Kamryn was a “surprise,” the youngest of five in the Aubrey family. Kelli and Mike have been married 23 years. Kamryn was born not long after both, who are social workers, had been laid off from a Gig Harbor foster care agency. Mike has since found work with the state.

The Aubreys leaned heavily on their faith in the weeks after Kamryn was hospitalized. Kelli began a detailed blog, and a local prayer chain grew … and grew. Before long, people in Africa, China, Russia, Scotland and the United States were pulling for Kamryn. Kelli and others cite the hand of the Almighty in the baby’s overcoming long odds no bookie would back.

“This is a child that should not have survived this,” Arens said. “Even people who aren’t religious came forward and are praying for this baby. She surpassed any expectation anybody ever had.”

Miraculously, a compatible heart became available less than two weeks after Kamryn went on the waiting list. It was none too soon, as the baby was failing fast.

“This is difficult to think of someone losing a child to help ours,” Kelli wrote on the blog. “This is what we will do for another family if Kamryn doesn’t make it through all of this. It is hard for me to think about and difficult to write. But God is in control and we are committed to His path.”
On Feb. 17, the day of the surgery, Kelli and Mike walked their 9-week-old daughter down the long corridor to the operating room.

“I kissed her little head and told her to ‘be good.’ Mike kissed her, too. And then we walked back to her empty room and sat down. Although I didn’t like the empty room, I was at peace.”

The Aubreys were notified by phone messages throughout the long surgery of each hurdle cleared, including the announcement that the transplanted heart was beating.

“The piles of wadded tissues and empty Starbucks cups tell only part of the story of the day,” Kelli wrote.

Obama, whose visit included a stop at Boeing’s Everett plant, spent the day talking about economic recovery. The hospital’s transplant coordinator told the Aubreys she had to do “a lot of finagling to get the heart here,” but the surgery wasn’t stalled as a result.

“There’s some misconstrued ideas that the president may have delayed it,” Kelli said. “But I don’t know that he did. I actually don’t think he has that kind of clout.”

Kamryn arrived back home March 28, and she is back to the “sweet” personality her parents knew before she fell ill. She is physically delayed due to weeks of hospitalization but is catching up.

Kamryn continues to require ‘round the clock care, including a complicated regimen of medication. Kelli must stay at home, and the loss of her income, plus some uncovered medical costs and transportation to Children’s, is weighing on the family.

Breath of Aire, a Christian music group, will play a benefit concert for Kamryn at 7 p.m. Saturday at Chapel Hill Presbyterian Church, 7700 Skansie Ave., Gig Harbor, with donations accepted.

You can also make donations on the blog about Kamryn,
www.prayingforkamryn.blogspot.com. As with all charitable giving, donors should do enough research to satisfy themselves of the legitimacy of the cause.

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Justine Avery is tired of living with a ticking time bomb. Avery, who carries the BRCA1 genetic mutation, has an 85 percent chance of developing breast cancer. The disease killed her mother Sandy Avery, first wife of Kitsap County Assessor Jim Avery, in 1989, when Justine was 9. So Justine has decided to get a prophylactic (preventative) bi-lateral (both sides) mastectomy.

The date of the surgery, Thursday, has been set for some time. Justine has approached the impending procedure with courage and a sense of humor. A 1999 South Kitsap High School graduate who lives with her husband Rob Sands and works in Seattle, Justine was feted by friends at a recent “Ta Ta to the Ta Ta’s” party. Her BFFs who put it together “made a very naughty cake.”

“I’m very supportive of it. I think it’s a very wise thing to do,” Jim Avery said of Justine’s decision.

Justine, who also has a 40 percent chance of developing ovarian cancer, has kept friends and family up to speed with a blog. Part of her motivation in going public with such a private matter is that she has been part of two studies on genetic predisposition toward ovarian cancer, and she hopes to raise funds for the Marsha Rivkin Center and Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center. Because of the research, high-risk women like her can get free screenings twice a year, something not covered by insurance.

Justine’s raised nearly $4,000 toward a goal of $10,000. That’s not counting about $2,000 raised from the Ta-ta party, with part of the donations coming from the sale of ta-ta-tinis … two olives. The support of friends and acquaintances — some of whom she hasn’t talked to in years — means a lot.

“It’s kind of made me feel at peace with my decision,” she said. “It’s kind of made me realize that what I’m doing is the right thing. It’s the right decision.”

More importantly, Justine said, she wants to share information with and offer support to other women who may have the gene, or who like her have already been tested and face some tough choices. Justine is not telling others what to do. On the blog, she simply shares the back story of her bold decision.

Her mother was diagnosed at age 38 (Justine is now 31). “I don’t remember a time when my mother wasn’t ill,” Justine said. And yet that didn’t stop Sandy Avery from living a full life. “It was always in the background. She was a wonderful mom with a great spirit. The cancer didn’t stop her, up until the last hour. She was a great mom.”

The aggressive cancer spread to other organs, and Sandy Avery died after six years of rigorous treatment. Other family members who developed cancer were her aunt, who survived breast cancer diagnosed in her 40s but later died of ovarian cancer, and her cousin, diagnosed in her 30s, who is a cancer survivor.

After her cousin’s diagnosis, some members of the family were tested for the “breast cancer gene” and found a positive link. Justine’s older sister, who escaped the BRCA1 gene, urged her to get tested, but Justine resisted, at least at first.

“Maybe to some degree I have always felt it was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped,” she wrote on the blog. “Maybe it was because I was sick of the anxiety of going to get my boobs squeezed between two pieces of glass once a year and I figured that if I didn’t have the gene, I would not have to revisit this for at least another 12 years; or maybe it was to shut everyone up already…. Regardless, I truly believe the decision I made 3 years ago at the age of 28 is going to save my life.”

Justine is quick to point out that cancer caused by the gene is relatively rare. “Only 7 percent of breast cancers are caused by a genetic mutation (BRCA1 and BRCA2). If someone in your family has been diagnosed with breast cancer, it most likely means they are part of the other 93 percent. It’s when you see patterns of early diagnosis that you should start to consider genetic testing.”

Justine’s gut reaction to the whole situation: “This sucks! … Up and down for sure. I’m dealing with the suckiness of it all. I have a wonderful family who has helped me sift through the decisions I’ve been confronted with.”

Justine outlines the choices facing women who test positive for the gene. The first is vigilance in the form of frequent mammograms, MRIs, blood tests and ultrasounds.

“I am so thankful for the constant screening. My mom didn’t have the opportunities I have. But to be honest I’m getting tired of it,” she wrote.

The second option involves a five-year course of a chemotherapy drug called Tamoxifen, which results in early (and temporary) menopause, cutting her cancer risk in half.

“The last option may seem ‘radical’ to some: a bilateral prophylactic mastectomy. In other words, amputation of my precious boobies, because they will most likely kill me. I have chosen the latter of the three.”

Back to the time bomb analogy, there’s a 15 percent chance that, like on the cartoons, a little white flag saying “boom!” will pop put of the bomb, all that worry for nothing. But there’s really only one way for Justine to control the outcome and avoid a diagnosis she calls “unacceptable.”

“I still am haunted by the fact that I’m cutting off two perfectly normal (and quite lovely I might add) breasts for something I ‘may’ get,” she wrote. “But here’s the thing, ‘may’ in this circumstance means an 85 percent chance … That also means I only have a 15 percent chance of not getting it. I will sit at a craps or blackjack table for hours but I would never play those odds.”

Justine wants to have children and so is delaying a decision on removing her ovaries at this time. She knew you’d want to know.

According to Justine’s oncologist, about 50 percent of women with her type of family history elect prophylactic mastectomies, and about 80 percent get hysterectomies once they are done having children.

Since genetic screening has only recently become more common among families with a strong background of breast/ovarian cancer, Justine hopes writing about her experiences will help other women navigate this new frontier in women’s medicine.

“I am actually the first one in my family who is ‘choosing’ to do this preventatively. It can feel lonely sometimes,” she wrote. “This is my way of not only documenting this time for those in my family that may come later, but also helping to create awareness of breast cancer.”

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Some who endeavor to be clever with their cruelty found a willing accomplice in our online obituary submission program this weekend.

We received an obituary for Marilyn Jody, an author, a former literature professor at Western Carolina University. The obit might have stayed up there unnoticed had it not been so interesting.

For one, Jody has been a gay-rights champion, something that was spelled out in the obit and was verifiable online. The obit also listed her as Marilyn Dahmer Jody and said she was the aunt of Jeffrey Dahmer, the serial killer.

The obit listed a Eunice D. Zirbel of Bremerton as a surviving sister and said Ms. Jody was formerly from here.

It was interesting enough to be a news story, we thought, so I agreed to see if I could turn it around for Tuesday’s paper. The problem was, things were not adding up.

For one, I found no Eunice Zirbel in Kitsap County either now, five or 10 years ago in the phone book. Second, the obit claimed she was one of the first 50 to get married in Massachusetts in 2004 when gay marriage was legalized. I found a book Jody had written and it has a reference to her getting married in Provincetown. I called to verify the marriage and the county clerk couldn’t do it. I later found out it was because I gave the wrong names, using the ones from the obituary.

Then I found a video of Jody talking earlier this year about North Carolina’s Amendment One controversy in which state voters will consider a marriage amendment for the state’s constitution. She seemed perfectly healthy in the video. I know people can go downhill quickly, but it was another piece that added to my suspicion. Finally I found Jody had signed an online petition on Change.org six days ago when she had reportedly died 10 days ago. That’s still not a smoking gun, but the circumstantial evidence was adding up.

Finally, I looked up her phone number in her home town and called. Joanne Cleary, Jody’s partner, told me right away Jody’s death was false.

Cleary said in their area, (Sylva, NC) there has been a lot of this kind of stuff going on. Someone created a fake Facebook page for Jody earlier, complete with friends and, like our site, a reference to Dahmer. The same prank has been happening to other gay people and neither Cleary or Jody are all that amused. “It causes us dismay and fear,” Jody said. “When somebody suggests you’re dead we wonder if that’s a veiled threat.”

Jody did joke, “I never thought I would be able to use the Twain quote, “The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”

The obit has been removed. I also agreed to call the Jackson County, N.C. Sheriff’s Office, because a detective there is investigating the multiple incidents.

The video of Jody speaking against the North Carolina constitutional amendment follows:

(more…)

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During Monday’s district meeting hosted by City Councilman Roy Runyon there was a small disagreement between him and resident David Johnson about where the current scare ranks with past fears.

Johnson said the current fear, centered on a person who may have stabbed three people on well-traveled streets, is worse than ever. Runyon referred to the 1990s, when Bremerton struggled with street gangs, in saying that this current situation may not be the worst its ever been.

I don’t know for sure. I’ve only lived in Kitsap County since 2002, and for the first three years we were in Poulsbo. I worked out of that office. I felt no fear there. For the last six-plus years we have lived out in Illahee and I have worked downtown. For those years I have had my guard up a bit walking from the office to the parking lot a block away, but for me it has never been as questionable a proposition as it is now.

One time someone unhappy with how coverage was in the paper caused one of our reporters to ask for an escort to his car, but that died away as an idle threat. I was never personally scared myself. Now we all take measures. We generally don’t walk to the parking lot alone anymore. I don’t have any music playing on my iPod. In general I seldom did that before anyway, but now it’s for a reason.

Still, that’s no indicator of how bad this is historically.

So I asked someone who would have much more perspective than I: Chris Dunagan. He’s worked here for more than 25 years, so he was working here during the 1990s. And for many of those years he lived just down the street a ways.

Before I left on vacation a week ago I asked him whether things had ever been this frightening. Nope, he said.

We may be overdoing our fears, and the police officials who spoke to us Monday both said we should continue our alertness even once an arrest is made. And it is possible that the fear we feel now might be forgotten in a few months. But the idea that people are more scared now makes sense to me for the following reason.

When violence is up in most cities, it is still most often between people who know each other. Even if it’s gang violence, victims can be incorrectly targeted, but generally the killers are not attempting to be random. In fact, in most cases people seem to be targeted. But in this case all it seems to be is so random, that the victims are people who happen to be in the same place at the same time as someone who gets the notion to do something awful. I’m not sure anything could scare me more.

I agree that my movements and my commitment to living my life haven’t changed much at all since this all started. But I’d be in great denial if I said I wasn’t more nervous than I used to be. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so nervous about crime in my entire life.

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Every day hundreds of emails pour into our general email inbox. Some are clearly sketchy … “dear sir or madame – I offering splendid item, to receive your reward, link to me …” I think not.

We hear of many unusual products and services. Today for example, we got emails touting “dog flags” and do-it-yourself funerals.

Sacred Crossings of Los Angeles (wouldn’t expect them to locate in Omaha) offers to guide families interested in bypassing the funeral home.

“Sacred Crossings educates families in the ancient ritual of after death care — bathing, anointing and dressing the body; creating sacred space in the home for viewing; delivery of a simple pine box or cardboard cremation casket, which can be decorated by family members,” a press release says.

The owner, Olivia Bareham, is an ordained minister and a member of the National Home Funeral Alliance, an organization dedicated to educating people about the “intrinsic value” of in-home funerals. Bareham offers help “completing the legal paperwork and making arrangements with the cemetery or crematory for final disposition. Spiritual ministerial services include near-death prayer/meditation vigils, grief support and funeral celebrant services.”

An interesting concept. If anyone in Kitsap County has done this or considered it, run, don’t walk to your computer and contact me at chenry@kitsapsun.com.

The second email of interest, touted the benefits of Dog Flags, colored flags that “slide easily over your pets leash.” Each color has phrase that signifies the temperament of the animal. Red, Ask Before Approaching; Green, Friendly; Yellow; I’m Shy; Blue, In Training; Orange, Special Needs.

“With over 80 million owned dogs as pets in the United States alone, being able to know at a glance which canines you can approach and which ones you should leave alone goes a long way to avoiding unwanted incidents,” a press release for the product says.

“Another advantage to Dog Flags is to help remove the stigma from certain dogs,” the advertisement goes on. “’Passing a pit bull or Rottweiler and seeing a Green ‘Friendly’ flag is going to help make people a lot more comfortable,’, says Kristin Valgardson, owner of Dog Flags LLC.”

This email raises several questions.
Do people really stigmatize dogs based on their breed?
Do these flags cover pretty much all temperaments or is there something missing? At the risk of offending readers, I won’t go into detail, I can think of one behavior — starts with “h” — that should definitely be red-flagged.
And is it really fair to try to describe your beloved pet with a single generic phrase, lumping it in with all other “friendly” or “shy” individuals?
How would you describe your four-legged friend in a short, easy to understand phrase?
Is this a good idea? If so, why did nobody think of it before?

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Sophia and Kyle Okiyama of Port Orchard are among six couples chosen for a reality series on TLC. The same network that brought us Toddlers and Tiaras, profiles of pathological Horders and Jon & Kate Plus 8, is showcasing the ups and downs of the Okiyamas as they await their birth of their second child.

The show, “A Conception Story,” is conveniently sponsored by First Response, makers of an in-home pregnancy test, which enjoys not so subtle product placement in the series.

Available on the TLC website are written and video blogs from the Okiyamas and the other couples tracking their progress. Sophia, 23, and Kyle, 24, announced this summer they are pregnant again after a discouraging miscarriage. The baby is due Feb. 14, Valentine’s Day.

The couple are parents to a 3-year-old boy, Kekoa. She’s a “stay-at-home mom.” He’s a pipe fitter in the shipyard. Now into her second trimester, Sophia is starting to show and already nesting.

I predict this series will take off for the simple fact that most people, especially women, have a huge fascination with birth. Either they’ve had babies, and this gives them a chance to relive the process. Or they’re pregnant themselves or trying to get pregnant or thinking about someday getting pregnant.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Plenty of women choose not to have children. But trust me, for the millions per years who do, for those who have experienced the physical and emotional see-saw of pregnancy, labor and delivery … and for those who long to experience it, this series will be a hit.

You can see videos the Okiyamas have made so far below. And I’d invite readers to share their own pregnancy stories. Pickles anyone?

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The Kitsap County Coroner’s Office will preside over a service to lay to rest the remains of 7 indigent Kitsap residents at 1 p.m. today (Thursday, September 1) at the Old Silverdale Cemetery.

The cemetery, where the county has buried other indigent individuals in previous services, is located off Impasse Place Northwest, which is off NW Anderson Hill Road, just past Central Kitsap High School. The public is welcome.

The coroner’s office, earlier this year, announced that it was running out of money in its $2,500 budget to bury those who have no family or means to do so. Local donors stepped forward to cover about $1,400 of the additional cost, but the coroner’s allotted annual budget was used up about halfway through the year, said Coroner Greg Sandstrom. Because state law requires counties to care for the remains of the indigent dead, money to make up the gap will come from the county’s general fund.

The coroner cremates those who have died and keeps the remains at its morgue, scheduling services every few years to give them a proper burial.

The names of those who will be honored at today’s service are below. If anyone has any information or knew any of these folks, please share it.

Delbert Hersa, 09/20/1949 to 09/14/2007
Betty Honeycutt, 09/06/1942 to 08/03/2007
Joyce E. Koranda, 11/18/1925 to 05/23/2009
Thomas L. Pratt, 08/16/1935 to 04/03/1996
Sue Stuart, 02/04/1928 to 08/21/2008
Jess M. Wilks, 12/09/1927 to 07/26/2009
Harry M. Gordan, 12/19/1940 to 01/01/2011

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Since our story Sunday on the Kitsap County Coroner’s Office running out of money in 2011 to care for the remains of the indigent, Coroner Greg Sandstrom called me to say he’d heard from some people who want to help.

Sandstrom and others plan a ceremony this summer at the Old Silverdale Cemetery. There, the remains of some of the 18 people now stored at the coroner’s office will get a dignified burial in plots donated to the county some years back. Those who are certified veterans will be buried at the Tahoma National Cemetery in Kent.

One of the 18 will be buried next to his wife at the Seabold Cemetery on Bainbridge Island, thanks to some sleuthing by a caretaker for the cemetery. The caretaker called Sandstrom to say he’d found the name of one of the indigents, Walter G. Autem, on a marker at the cemetery with a date of birth but not death date. Clearly he had a place reserved for him.

A woman, who turns out to be Mr. Autem’s wife, is buried in the same plot. Sandstrom verified the man’s identity by cross checking the two birth dates, which match. And Mr. Autem, who died at 89, was a Bainbridge resident. The caretaker has offered to bury the remains of the two other Bainbridge residents in the coroner’s care at Seabold Cemetery as well. They are Raymond L. Cassalery, 73, and Victoria Frances, 59.

“I thought it was pretty nice,” said Sandstrom. “People who know them will be able to come and visit them.”

As for the funding shortfall, a Bremerton woman has come forward offering to donate some money to help defray the coroner’s cost for cremation, at $500 per person.

The story has generated interest beyond Kitsap County. It was mentioned in the Oregonian’s OregonLive.com blog. Sandstrom was recently interviewed by Q13, and he’s been contacted by KOMO, which is doing a story on indigents.

Anyone who wants to help defray the coroner’s cost to care for Kitsap’s indigent dead or who has information on the individuals listed below should call Sandstrom at (360) 337-7077.

The remains of the following people are at the Kitsap County Coroner’s Office awaiting burial.

Ruth Gross, 79, Belfair

Darrell Elliott, 59, Bremerton

Grace Seeley, 89, Olalla

Betty Honeycutt, 64, Bremerton

Sue Stuart, 60, Bremerton

Delbert Hersha, 57, unknown

Raymond L. Cassalery, 73, Bainbridge Island

Henry M. Gordon, 70, Olalla

Charles E. Curlee, 64, Bremerton

Brian Garcia, 50, Bremerton

Carl G. Hasty, 71, Port Orchard

Victoria Frances, 59, Bainbridge Island

Monte Welenkel, 76, Port Orchard

Walter G. Autem, 89, Bainbridge

Joyce E. Koranda, 82, Poulsbo

Jess M. Wilks, 81, Bremerton

Arnold Mauricette, 70, Seattle

William G. Brown, 77, Port Orchard

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