The story I wrote earlier this week about two homeless teens speaking to a group of homeless advocates struck many nerves. One comment from “KitsapVoter” pretty much stopped me in my tracks.
Voter has a consistent history with the Kitsap Sun website. He (who mentions “the wife” in one comment) has posted 424 comments on stories on the website. From reading them, I get the impression of a no-nonsense type who leans right but is not a strict party-line voter, thoughtful, observant, concerned, self-reliant.
On the homeless story, Voter starts out saying, “These ‘homeless teens’ need to get a job and stop thinking of themselves as a victim. It is foolish and prevents them from escaping their purgatory.”
He then proceeds to describe his own youth and escape from an abusive stepfather, his first job as a dishwasher and sleeping in a bathroom and storage closet of the place he worked until he got his first paycheck (read the entire post below … do not skip this step!).
“I never once thought of myself as a victim nor did I ever lose enough pride to revel in the notoriety of being less fortunate than others,” he goes on. “Unlike these teens, I refused to trade one set of shackles for another instead relying on myself with the counsel of others to free myself from the desperate situation. That was over 40 years ago and many lifetimes away.”
The whole post left me pretty much speechless. I was also moved by posts from pjsfullhouse, a foster parent who has taken in 80 boys over the last 7 years. He or she said:
“Many of you do not understand how damaged many of these kids are. We have had maybe about 20 go home, this is done with much support. Some parents have gotten into drugs/alcohol, or just have difficult children and need the support to be able to parent their children. Many kids after years of ‘abuse or neglect’ do not know how to live in a family, so they would rather be homeless. When as a child you have looked after your parents and siblings it is pretty hard to have an adult parent figure tell you what and how to do things. Remember these kids have had experienced life a lot differently then we did growing up. We are still very naive about what kids have been through in their short lives. We are always stunned to find out what kids have been subjected to. So please try to put yourself in their place and see it from their side instead of how you grew up.”
These diametrically opposed postings raise multiple questions about the complex cluster of factors that lead to homelessness. KitsapVoter’s post raises the intriguing question, “Why are some children and youth resilient enough to overcome odds that would lay most of us low?”
I’m not going to pretend to have any snappy answers or neat conclusions. Thank you to both for sharing your thoughts and insights.
Chris Henry, reporter
KitsapVoter writes:
“These ‘homeless teens’ need to get a job and stop thinking of themselves as a victim. It is foolish and prevents them from escaping their purgatory.
My father died when I was 9, my mom remarried an abusive SOB who physically abused me to the point of repeated broken bones and hospitalization. He sexually abused my sister.
At 16, I hit the road to a southern city to escape. I promptly found a Braniff Hotel and applied for an entry level position, dishwasher. It took several days to convince the hotel to hire me, I even offered to work for free just so they could see before they hired me I would be a good employee.
I had less than 5 dollars to my name and no place to sleep. For two weeks I slept in the hotel’s basement bathroom stall sleeping sitting up on a toilet and cleaning up in the sink. A sympathetic security guard let me sleep in a storage closet for another week until I received my first paycheck when I was able to rent a room at the YMCA.
I also on my own, enrolled in a Catholic high school for free, even though I wasn’t a Catholic. Finished school, worked my way up the food chain at the hotel, the hotel helped pay for part of my post high school education at a rather prestigious southern university.
I never once thought of myself as a victim nor did I ever lose enough pride to revel in the notoriety of being less fortunate than others. Unlike these teens, I refused to trade one set of shackles for another instead relying on myself with the counsel of others to free myself from the desperate situation. That was over 40 years ago and many lifetimes away.
I know in my heart, being on my own, sleeping in a hotel bathroom was one of the best character building exercises one could encounter. It taught me the true values in life and gave me insight how to handle all circumstances life throws at you. I’ve certainly needed those skills in later life.
My prayers are with these profiled young adults but they are on the wrong track and the folks who sympathize with them for the wrong reasons are only inhibiting their transformation out.”
Chris,
Thanks for the article. I see the side of Kitsap Voter. We have had some kids like him. They are the surviors. Times have changed and many families do not have the skills to raise their children. I have been a parent for 39 years. We raise kids the old ways. We love, protect, respect and expect our kids to do well. We do not hit or hurt, but show kids how to be part of a family or society. We have great support from our own families and friends. We could not do fostering without them. Some kids are successful and others just can’t manage to live in our home. Those who are not successful are the ones who are so damaged or hurt. I wish the best for those kids, but unfortunaley we can not save them all. Our only hope is that as they get older they find a way to learn how to be part of society.
Thanks for writing such positive articles. Phyllis Bishop
KitsapVoter – Like it or not, at this moment in time I love you.
Physically challenged folks are the same – only challenged – NOT VICTIMS – not to think of themselves as victims or to be treated as victims.
Thanks… Sharon O’Hara
Thanks Chris , I enjoyed your perspective. I think the answer is we are just different . My daughter when she was a child could receive just a stern look from me and she would fall apart. My son could get slapped in the rear and he would look up at me and grin like thats all you got Dad. We are all different and that is a good thing .
I think both points are valid , and the problem is do NOT treat kids as groups but as individuals. That is the problem I see group think growing in our educational institutions , in our way government deals with problems.
I read about a homeless advocate actually going out to the homeless community and registering homeless voters . My first reaction was that is immoral. The solution is government funding ? Then I just realized the person had no answers, and their hope was all in government . Well yes I agree donating money and government safety nets are a good thing , but defintely not the solutions. Those solutions come one by one .
With some its by the pulling up their boot straps , and others its getting support from you and me. It is so cold today, for the life of me I could not understand why anyone would want to be outdoors unless they had to.
I have to agree with what pjsfullhouse says. At 17, I was working full time, maintaining my own apartment, and going to school full time trying to graduate from high school. When I had to be absent from school for any reason, I wrote the note excusing myself and signed it before turning it in at the school’s office. My job would last till 2am and then I would walk home.
At 18, I moved in as a boarder with a woman who drove me crazy trying to get me to tell her where I was going, when I was going to be home, and who I was with. I understand she was just being concerned but the fact is, once you’ve been on your own, it’s impossible going back to being somebody’s kid again.
There are those who can function that way, and there are those who can’t, for various reasons. The picture is bigger than just the two young men featured in the article, and let’s recall that we don’t fully know their backgrounds or circumstances. Trials can lead one to develop inner strengths, or push you into depression. So many things to consider; life is complicated. What one person blows off, another is devastated by. Also, times have changed from when the first writer was homeless. The fabric of society has ripped open because of so many factors and some kids just fall through. We have more predators looking for lost, broken kids than we did earlier, here on our own streets. Re sympathize with them for the wrong reasons, even if you disagree with why they left home, you can still treat them with respect and perhaps provide the guidance they need to get their lives moving forward.