The Mom Squad

I admit it. I am a lover of lists. I am especially in love with lists that have lines through them. For example:

• Eat chocolate
• Drink coffee
  
• Keep too much stuff in your purse

Sometimes I will add things to my list that I have already completed… 

• Take child to the doctor. Late.

Hmm… visual encouragement, if you will. The following list was inspired by my now 4 year old. One night she decided she need to cut playdough from her hair.

By herself.

When she should have been sleeping. As I wrote in one post, “Whoever said “Silence is golden”… never knew a 3 year old who was supposed to be taking a nap.”

The followng list was originally posted at another site I write for, but I think it is a list worthy of reposting… So. Here it is, a list. Some items one may be able to check off, some may just be worth noting. Feel free to print it out and keep it in your purse *wink*…

1. Breathe. This is actually not exclusive to just mothers. It is actually something I would advise for all people.

2. Eat. I recommend bars of chocolate, but chips are a good alternative.

3. Hide the scissors. No. Do not keep scissors in your home. Ever. Hiding them does not help. Children are born with a scissor-seeking GPS, and it seems that though hair from the human head is not magnetic — it actually is magnetic to the cut of a pair of scissors.

4. Acquire a taste for pressed chicken. There will always be leftover chicken pieces (a.k.a. “nuggets” or “dinos”) and leftover pressed chicken may be your only sustenance on any given day.

5. Aim low. It’s just better that way. Trust me. It’s not that you should not set admirable expectations, just set them very low. That way, things will go better than expected because it’s pretty easy to step over a low bar.

6. Less is more (very closely related to the “aim low” category). Go without make-up more often than you wear it. That way, when you DO decide to get gussied-up you will be assured ample compliments. You know… the mom who is always “perfect”? Well, pride comes before a fall and, one day, that perfect mom will be seen without make-up. When she is — we gasp and squint our eyes. Don’t be that mom. Indulge your appearance to a long period of “natural beauty.” After a long period of time, go for it! Brush on that blush and apply that mascara! You will be amazed at the responses: “Wow! You look so pretty! Did you get your hair done? Did you lose weight? When did you start modeling???” I know this from experience.

7. Laugh. It’s just good to do. Also brush your teeth, especially if you laugh with a really wide gape and are prone to spitting.

8. The person your 3 year-old is now, is not the person he/she will become. In short, your three year-old will probably not bite the face of a peer when he is 27.

9. Banish scissors. Repetitive, I know, but I feel passionate about it this. Also, ban the markers and maybe any vessel that may be a fun idea for holding/transporting various forms of liquid.

10. Silence is not golden. It is the sound of danger and destruction. Press on with caution.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 4th, 2009 at 2:32 pm by jennyonthespot and is filed under Adventures in Motherhood, Advice from the Trenches, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.