Steven Gardner writes:

Time once again for the Kitsap Caucus’s blatant thievery of Stephen Colbert’s “You’re on Notice” feature. Those of you aware that I was going on vacation were surely justified in fidgeting anxiously over whether I’d post one of these before my departure. Surely you love this feature. Humor me, won’t you?

Alberto Gonzales makes the list for obvious reasons. If it’s not obvious to you then maybe you should be on this board next time.

Pancake eaters will be on notice throughout the Bremerton Area Chamber of Commerce’s Eggs & Issues season, while candidates warm a room at Family Pancake House trying to convince voters they deserve your vote. It’s port time this Thursday. Regular pancake eaters might experience longer delays as the restaurant’s wait staff cater to morning people riveted by discussions of parking garages and junky yard enforcement. It must be the coffee.

Carpetbaggers and spies get the notice for the goings on in Port Orchard. Read an earlier post about it.

Late campaigners who still haven’t figured out that some of your constituents have already voted may end up short come Aug. 21.

Port Orchard gets on the board after consecutive weeks on it when this was a feature of the Bremerton Beat. It just feels good to put the city there again.

Checkout lines will be far less festive now that the Weekly World News announced it will no longer create print editions. You have to go online for it now. Remembering the time I saw the headline about a woman who had an afterlife experience and saw Elvis at the end of the tunnel, I am deeply saddened. I’m getting my groceries delivered from now on.

Haystack Rock is on notice because I’ll be seeing it this next week. It better be awesome.

My couch is on notice, because I suspect that for all my ambition about house projects and exercise, I’ll be spending serious potato time watching the Mariners and movies.

Remember, “You’re on notice” means “I’m watching you,” not “You’re dead to me,” which is a different Colbert subject. Send me your nominations for things or people you’re getting a little suspicious of, or getting a little tired of, or you think are not getting the attention they should. Feel free to duplicate other peoples’ nominations. If something gets nominated a lot, it’s more likely to get on the board.

Then again, this isn’t scientific and is subject to the blogmaster’s personal bias and sense of what’s relevant and/or funny. The board will be updated whenever we’re good and ready. We’re seldom both, so be patient.

Steven Gardner writes:

Lookee here! Stephen Colbert is back pointing at local types. Maybe you’re on here!

On Jan. 22 I wrote:

There is worthwhile commentary to be found at the 614 Division Street blog, but I’ve seen the author provide much information on it that threatens to reveal his or her identity. I prefer the mystery. At least, if the author gets outed I want someone else to reveal it. I don’t want it to happen because 614 gives too much away.

Too late it seems. The Kitsap News Group filed a request to see who had taken an extended leave based on information the owner of the 614 Division Street blog divulged. So, based on comments the blogger made in the past, the blog disapparated before the blogger got dooced.

I thought someone on the inside would do the outing first. We weren’t really dying to know who it was, but I can see why KNG decided to pursue it. I wouldn’t be surprised if the former blogger’s identity still gets revealed.

It’s a bit of a cautionary tale about going anonymous. It’s not easy to stay that way.

That of course ties into subject number two, trolls and sock puppets and jerks. We have been deleting more posts than was our past practice, though don’t assume it’s because you were either a troll, sock puppet or jerk. FYI, a troll just tries to get the collective dander up. Sock puppets are individuals posting as multiple people. Jerks is my term. In some cases we’ve deleted comments just because we didn’t want the conversation to go in that direction.

The Simpson’s Movie makes the list because it premieres this week, unfortunately timed after the premiere of a Harry Potter movie and a book. Many people have been fans of both, though The Simpsons has been criticized for losing its edge toward the end of its first decade. I’ll be attending another midnight premiere, but my enthusiasm is not what it would have been had it launched separate from the Potter business.

Local primary candidates are on notice, because after all these years it’s still worth noting that most of the campaigning should happen between now and when ballots go out late next week. You wait until the last three weeks and you lose potential votes in the mail every day.

Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels, speaking to an audience assembled in Bremerton’s new Fountain Room, excused himself by saying “There’s my boat.” The ferry was clearly visible from the room and will be for speakers in the future who will surely believe themselves clever when they point to the ferry terminal to demonstrate how their ride has arrived. At some point Fountain Room audiences will be trained to say “It’s been done” every time some speaker tries that trick.

Traffic evildoers everywhere in Washington should be wary of future political developments. The same day the Bremerton City Council voted 8-1 to install red-light and school zone cameras, Seattle decided its program was so successful it wants more. Then, on Monday, soon-to-be-former state transportation boss Doug McDonald told 710 KIRO’s Dori Monson he wants traffic cameras on freeways.

Does it make you sleep better at night, or do you think this is “Big Brother?”

On hypocrites, many will expect this to be another lashing of those who don’t believe their own sermons.” Instead I’m asking if the term is overused. I believe soda is bad for me, as are a lot of the foods I love. I believe I should be more moderate in my consumption of them. To say so, however, risks making me a hypocrite, because it’s obvious to most that I’m often unsuccessful at moderation. Is Sen. David Vitter, D-La. a hypocrite because he speaks about the sanctity of marriage, yet gets outed as a prostitution client? Is Seattle’s Mayor Nickels a hypocrite because his fleet mileage didn’t seem to go down after he made major public pronouncements about cutting down on auto use?

This comes up because of a conversation I had with someone the other day. He said Vitter’s actions indicate he doesn’t “believe” in what he says. I countered that perhaps he believes it, but he’s weak, the same way chronic drinker who wishes to be a teetotaller is. Perhaps “hypocrite” is an appropriate term for Vitter. Perhaps he should resign. But “hypocrite” might apply to all of us, because we all fall short of our ideals at times.

Even America does, but Leonard Pitts Jr. has something to say about it.

Finally, Darth Vader is on notice because of his appearance at a Harry Potter screening I attended and at the opening of the new Tacoma Narrows Bridge. Dude, it’s time to change the ensemble. Surely with all your power you could find an imaginative tailor.

Remember, “You’re on notice” means “I’m watching you,” not “You’re dead to me,” which is a different Colbert subject. Send me your nominations for things or people you’re getting a little suspicious of, or getting a little tired of, or you think are not getting the attention they should. Feel free to duplicate other peoples’ nominations. If something gets nominated a lot, it’s more likely to get on the board.

Then again, this isn’t scientific and is subject to the blogmaster’s personal bias and sense of what’s relevant and/or funny. The board will be updated whenever we’re good and ready. We’re seldom both, so be patient.

“On Notice” is back, resuming our proven practice of stealing a gag from Stephen Colbert of The Colbert Report. Feel free to send your nominations and maybe, just maybe, you’ll experience the thrill of your idea of being held up by a cable celebrity without his knowledge.

Washington DOT and U.S. Rep. Norm Dicks, D-Belfair, are on notice thanks to reader submissions. WashDOT gets it for spending about $260,000 for Sunday’s Tacoma Narrows Bridge opening party, about $70,000 of which came from private sources, according to the News-Tribune. The congressman is on notice for the tunnel, a $30.7 million project to ease things for downtown pedestrians.

Claudio Borghi, the leading candidate to replace Nelson Acosta as the Chilean national soccer team coach, goes on notice for turning down the job before being offered. His decision comes because one guy managed to criticize him.

“I’m not interested in being judged beforehand. I’m not interested when people who don’t know me give their opinions about me.”

Dude, don’t ever run for office, or write a book, or write for a newspaper, or deliver a newspaper, or deliver a pizza. It’s hard to think he’s been coaching all these years and somehow escaped being discussed by people who didn’t know him. Oh wait, this is a politics blog.

Red light runners and school zone speeders will get it in Bremerton to the tune of
$112 and $177 beginning this fall. Cameras will be watching you at intersections and in a selected school zone.

Potter bias is the term for whatever people assume about Harry Potter fans. Many of you thought who reporters vote for indicates how they’ll report things. How is the fact that I went to the very first showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix any different? What does it say about me? Go ahead. Make your generalizations.

POF adversaries. Those who thought passenger-only ferries were a dead issue, U.S. Sen. Patty Murray got $2.2 million approved to finish the wake study, and Dicks got $1.5 set aside to buy a boat.

The Pledge of Allegiance is on notice thanks to the silence of six of seven members of the Bainbridge Island City Council. Bill Knobloch, city councilman gave a short speech in making a motion to make the pledge a regular part of council meetings. The speech was followed by applause from the audience, then crickets from the other council members. No one else would second the motion.

Remember, “You’re on notice” means “I’m watching you,” not “You’re dead to me,” which is a different Colbert subject. Send me your nominations for things or people you’re getting a little suspicious of, or getting a little tired of, or you think are not getting the attention they should. Feel free to duplicate other peoples’ nominations. If something gets nominated a lot, it’s more likely to get on the board.

Then again, this isn’t scientific and is subject to the blogmaster’s personal bias and sense of what’s relevant and/or funny. The board will be updated as frequently as once a week.

Steven Gardner writes:

We missed the Kitsap Caucus “On Notice” rip-off of Stephen Colbert last week because I was watching Bremerton out a window at Harrison. I’m back and so is the board.

Hillary Clinton tops the list despite this week’s stunning announcement that she’d earned the endorsement of Bainbridge Island Democratic Congressman Jay Inslee. The New York senator who wants to be president makes the list for her Soprano’s video. I’m not among those who hated the video, but it’s a lot of build up for . . . a song. An official campaign song. Quick, how many “official campaign songs” can you name?

I covered a GWB campaign event in 2000 and heard a John Mellencamp song. The first Bush used “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Reagan referenced “Born in the U.S.A.,” which thrilled Bruce Springsteen no end. The first Clinton liked Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow.” I think that ended up being better for the band than it was for the president, because they started getting regular gigs again. Were any of those songs labeled “official?”

This leads us, of course to number two on the list, Celine Dion. May I remind the American people that Celine Dion is a Canadian whose first language is French? I don’t hate Celine like most of my friends do. In fact, I think she’s pretty darned talented. But if you can never run for president, your song should never be considered for the official campaign song either.

I’m calling all the undeclared candidates “the backup quarterbacks.” When your favorite football team has a terrible offense, your favorite player is the backup quarterback, because we all know the team would be doing so much better if he were in there. These guys — Newt, Bloomberg, Fred Thompson, Chuck Hegel and perhaps even Al Gore — would risk their current popularity if they actually declared. Did I forget anyone?

There is worthwhile commentary to be found at the 614 Division Street blog, but I’ve seen the author provide much information on it that threatens to reveal his or her identity. I prefer the mystery. At least, if the author gets outed I want someone else to reveal it. I don’t want it to happen because 614 gives too much away.

Procrastinating commuters waiting to get their “Good-to-go” passes could be in long lines in July when the bridge opens.

If the bridge gets renamed, those in charge could be in for a lot of gripes if anyone other than Bob Oke is considered.

Ken Griffey, Jr. makes the list because we love him, but not if he does too well this weekend. There’s nothing like your brother coming into town and immediately becoming your dog’s favorite person. May Junior do well, but the Mariners sweep.

Port Gamble has a Civil War re-enactment this weekend. In other news Kirk Gibson hits a home run off Dennis Eckersley every time I watch the video. The South is on notice because it should be clear that no matter how many times that war gets revisited, the South still loses.

Remember, “You’re on notice” means “I’m watching you,” not “You’re dead to me,” which is a different Colbert subject. Send me your nominations for things or people you’re getting a little suspicious of, or getting a little tired of, or you think are not getting the attention they should. Feel free to duplicate other peoples’ nominations. If something gets nominated a lot, it’s more likely to get on the board.

Then again, this isn’t scientific and is subject to the blogmaster’s personal bias and sense of what’s relevant and/or funny. The board will be updated as frequently as once a week.

Steven Gardner writes:

It’s time for the first edition of “Kitsap Caucus: You’re on Notice,” a weekly ripoff of Stephen Colbert.

Today’s edition starts with Colbert, specifically his interview with Tacoma Democratic Congressman Adam Smith, who brazenly gave up national security secrets in his interview with the host. Don’t believe me? Watch the video.

Second on this week’s list is Port Commissioner Mary Ann Huntington. If other voters feel as frequent blog commenter Bob Meadows does, “I would vote for a worthless egg-sucking yellow dog, if that were the only other choice on the ballot,” it could be a rough election season for Huntington.

Fourth placer could be revealed June 18, when Democratic precinct officers make their top three choices to replace County Commissioner Chris Endresen. If the party doesn’t reveal the placement of the runners up, then all eight will be left to ponder how they managed to end up just out of range.

2008 is on the board, because it was clear to me Thursday it’s already a major issue for Kitsap County Democrats in the commissioner decision. There’s a presidential election, too? Wow. What a coincidence.

We’re having trouble with a couple brands of diapers. Apparently the makers assumed our son’s clothes were designed to act in teamwork with the diaper, so we’d be fine if the diaper caught some of the deposit and left the rest to his “My daddy loves me,” onesie. That wasn’t our understanding.

An Alabama senator punched another one recently. I’m not mad they fought, I just want better camera angles.

Diamond Parking is on notice because when the company tickets you in Bremerton, it provides you with a plastic envelope that seems perfectly suitable for a single stamp. But if you mail it with one stamp, you’ll get it back. The postal service wants 17 cents more, because it can’t run the envelopes through a machine. Expect a story.

Finally, Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer is on notice for sending Paris Hilton back to jail. Ask yourselves America, if Paris Hilton can be jailed, are any of us really free?

Remember, “You’re on notice” means “I’m watching you,” not “You’re dead to me,” which is a different Colbert subject. Send me your nominations for things or people you’re getting a little suspicious of, or getting a little tired of, or you think are not getting the attention they should. Feel free to duplicate other peoples’ nominations. If something gets nominated a lot, it’s more likely to get on the board.

Then again, this isn’t scientific and is subject to the blogmaster’s personal bias and sense of what’s relevant and/or funny. The board will be updated as frequently as once a week.