Dive Bombers From Hell

The annual car washing is coming early this year.

Got off of work and went out to my car last weekend. It was about covered in seagull crap. Couldn’t even see out of the windshield. There’s no way one bird could do that. Or one human. Which reminds me of a police report I read the other day. I’m not going to tell you what it said. For one, I can’t figure out what the guy was doing. For another, it was too gross. The guy told the cops he was a freak. I’ll leave it at that.

Anyway, no one seagull could’ve bombed my car like that. There had to be a whole flock of them hanging out on the tideflats, slurping clams, worms and other slimy beach fare, along with an occasional peanut butter and jelly sandwich from the ferry tourists. Stuffed, they go on a strafing run.

“Check out that green Honda down there. We haven’t hit that one in a couple days.”

They weave between the government center and Chase Bank building, shoot the gap down Fourth Street, pull up just before smacking the Kitsap Sun wall and let loose. Pfffflllaaaaattt. By firing on the fly, they can hit the sides as well as the top.

Just glad it was my car instead of me.

One thought on “Dive Bombers From Hell

  1. Ed, I often enjoy watching inexperienced ferry riders attempting to feed the seagulls on the “front” of the ferry. Just be sure to stand under cover.

    My brother commuted on the ferries for years. I rode over with him one day and he bought an order of fries and went to the back of the ferry to entertain tourists by holding a fry and his mouth and having a seagull come take it.

    I was dumbfounded when one couple handed their toddler to my brother, he gave the kid a fry then hung him over the rail so the kid could feed a seagull while the parents snapped photo’s. DOH!

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