It’s time to resurrect the dubious tradition of borrowing Stephen Colbert’s cutting edge creation, “You’re on Notice!”

We’re bringing it back to the Bremerton Beat, because some story commenters love to malign this fair town, even when the crime carries a different dateline.

Bremerton has its people who hide money in the vacuum and tell their cell mates. But contrary to apparent public perception, this is not the only place for criminals and the intelligence challenged.

Port Orchard makes the list, just because. Sure, you’re getting a fancy new mayor and downtown height limits, but Bremertonians chuckle at your insistence that you “don’t want to be like Bremerton.” Heck, people in Bremerton don’t want to be like the Bremerton of some peoples’ active imagination.

South Kitsap makes the list because in the story about the South Kitsap man who tried to remove lugnuts with a shotgun, a couple of commenters made the list for misattributing the incident to the town a semi-famous rock band encourages a girlfriend to move to.

Mdlmanrn wrote :

“Again, the frequently used phrase……Only in Bremerton…..”

And Lacydru maligned:

“Eh…bremerton..”

Eh, no. South Kitsap. Gateway to Mason County.

irenecats009 makes only an error in judgment, not in fact, when she writes on the story about the Poulsbo guy with the “lethal weapons:”

“The amazing thing is it didn’t take place in Bremerton like the vast majority of Code 911 stories.”

Actually, I probably can’t quibble too much with that one. We only regularly read the reports in Bremerton and the Sheriffs office, so perhaps the reporting is somewhat skewed. Still, irenecats009, you’re on notice. By the way, how’s irenecats008 doing? She get over the shingles?

Finally, itchy_scratchy makes the list, because on the story of the naked-taser-PCP man she writes:

“You click the link of a Kitsap Sun story with a title like this, and just wait for the page to load…

1, 2, 3…

The first word in the story is almost always the same:

‘BREMERTON’”

No, no, no. As pointed out previously, Lugnuts is from South Kitsap. Lethal Weapons is from Poulsbo. Naked-taser-PCP guy did his crime in Bremerton, but he’s from Silverdale. That’s why Poulsbo and Silverdale also make the list. Stop getting your knuckleheads mixed up with ours.

Remember, “You’re on notice” means “I’m watching you,” not “You’re dead to me,” which is a different Colbert subject. Send me your nominations for things or people you’re getting a little suspicious of, or getting a little tired of, or you think are not getting the attention they should. Feel free to duplicate other peoples’ nominations. If something gets nominated a lot, it’s more likely to get on the board.

Then again, this isn’t scientific and is subject to the blogmaster’s personal bias and sense of what’s relevant and/or funny. The board will be updated whenever I’m good and ready. I’m seldom both, so be patient.

Now wait a second, when I mocked Port Orchard residents I at least did behind their backs. Chris Henry had the nerve to come in here and actually post on the Bremerton Beat site. Well, fine then, I’ll take that original post and put it on the Speaking of South Kitsap blog, for all of South Kitsap (and the world) to see.

South Kitsapers will notice how, unlike Ms. Henry, I was fair enough to put pictures up from both P.O. and Bremerton.

Henry did latch on to something I’ve noticed, too, that the top line of the sign at Noah’s Ark is often funny, like the pumpkin-free shrimp.

In related news, my nephew used to insist that his father specifically request no e-coli when ordering a burger.

It’s time for the latest and perhaps final version of the Bremerton version of “You’re on Notice.” I say “final” because I like making you cry. HA! Just a joke. Actually, the board may find a new home while it still is allowed to survive. Check back on this blog next week to find out where the new home just might be.

Next up, though, let’s open the mail bag.

A fan by the name of “buy viagra” writes,

“What a pleasure it must be for you to have such an interesting job and to get to know some juicy bits of info.”

Well, buy, my job really is interesting, thank you for acknowledging that. I find your name interesting. You must be friends with “buy cialis” and “cheap vicodin.” You also have friends whose names make me blush.

Anyway, thanks for writing and enjoy your place in the junk file.

As for this week’s board, we only received a couple nominations, so I’m left to filling the bulk of it myself.

The CAC decides how much the governor and others get paid. Kitsap SEED I’m sure you know about.

Carly Simon makes it this week for her continued refusal to broadcast who “You’re So Vain” is about. The first time I heard that song, I remember thinking, “Funny, I don’t recall ever meeting Carly Simon.”

Survivor (The television show, The band has been dead to me for some time.) makes it because I just watched the finale of Survivor Fiji. It was perhaps the best-played version of the game ever, and yet I wonder if I’m the only person in America who watched it. Did you know they’re going to China next? Did anyone know?

I liked the first Pirates movie, hated the second one and based on one reviwer I will hate the first TWO HOURS AND FIFTEEN MINUTES. It takes that long before it gets good, and the final part lasts 45 minutes.

The Bremerton “On Notice” board will likely be moved.

The Chicken BLT Salad at Wendy’s is delicious, but I’ve had three in the last week and I’m getting weary.

Finally, once again, Port Orchard is on notice. Why? I don’t know. It just feels good to see it up there week after week.

So as to not trivialize Memorial Day, I didn’t want to make any reference to it here.

Continue sending your nominations and I’ll continue to update this board, probably every Friday.

Remember, “You’re on notice” means “I’m watching you,” not “You’re dead to me,” which is a different board. Send me your nominations for things or people you’re getting a little suspicious of, or getting a little tired of, or you think isn’t getting the attention it should. Try to be Bremerton-specific and feel free to duplicate other peoples’ nominations. If something gets nominated a lot, it’s more likely to get on the board.

Then again, this isn’t scientific and is subject to the blogmaster’s personal bias and sense of what’s relevant and/or funny.