Did you see what Bremerton Mayor Cary Bozeman said about Seattle?
Bozeman, and I’ve got at least two dozen witnesses, told other
mayors that Seattle’s waterfront was “an insult to American
ingenuity.” For Aurora Avenue he suggested trees to “block off the
The Seattle P-I’s Monica Guzman mused, “The mayor of Bremerton,
gateway to Gorst, dissing Seattle? Really? The mayor of
Then she threw out an insult about fine dining in a paper bag. I
nearly choked on my steak and egg burrito when I read that. (OK, it
did come in a paper bag, but I never tried to say Jack in the Box
was fine dining. It’s just fine.)
So, let’s aim our insults away from Port Orchard for now. We’ve
got a bigger piece of meat to skewer.
And by the way, Bozeman is absolutely unapologetic about his
comments, as the Seattle media is finding out.
“The truth sometimes hurts,” he said. “If it takes a voice like
mine to get people thinking, I don’t mind stirring the pot.”
Seattle, he said, has done a bad job over the past 50 years
developing its waterfront.
UPDATE: Bozeman did want me to mention that
during the conversation yesterday, Greenlake and Pike Place Market
were held up as examples of great public spaces. So Seattle gets
points for those. The waterfront? Pioneer Square? Not so much.
Seattle, it is on.
And we’ve got some retorts to that weak cheese you threw our
Bremerton: The Susan Boyle of cities.
Seattle: The Courtney Love of cities.
Our clothes were recession-chic before there was a
Our baristas wear pasties.
Did Sir-Mix-A-Lot write songs about YOUR women?
Seattle: Decision free for 27 years.
We rebelled against overpriced condos by not buying them.
It didn’t take us six years to decide to build a tunnel.
Our congressman works for us (see tunnel reference).
Where do you think you got Bill Gates from?
Pipe down, Seattle. We’ve got nukes.
YET ANOTHER UPDATE: Seattle responded to our
OK OK. You got us on the pasties. And yeah, the viaduct was a
process. It’s the whole Seattle gridlock thing. We’re working on
Good job with that list, though. Really. It left us so
impressed, we tried to think of some your own past transgressions
to fling back at you.
But the truth is, we don’t think about Bremerton very much.
Come to think of it, where is Bremerton?
They then went and posted the MxPx video “Move to Bremerton,”
that includes the classic line, “Quit your job you’ve got a place
to stay.” Nothing says Bremerton like quitting your job.
Anyway, we’ve written a somewhat conciliatory response that goes
something like this.
We get it. Bremerton is to Seattle what a shoelace aglet (that
little tapelike thing at the end of a shoelace) is to a shoe. We
serve a role but we’re probably not necessary for Seattle’s
survival. That “We don’t think about Bremerton much” line is the
same one I use on my Canadian in-laws when they whine about the
U.S. So I can relate.
We, on the other hand, are well aware of Seattle. I’m aware of
it every time I have to leave a Mariners game early to catch the
10:30 p.m. ferry. We take our guests to your Pike Place Market and
your Space Needle. Lucky guests also get to see the troll.
Can’t say I’ve ever been to the sculpture park, though.
All this is to say we know our place, and we’re fine with
Wethinks, however, thou dost profess too much ignorance of
Bremerton. How else would you even know about the existence of
Gorst? Nobody knows about Gorst, save those who drive through it or
stop by for some quick partial nudity.
Also, we’re kind of proud of MxPx. And Quincy Jones. And Death
Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard. Next time you see his fiance, Zooey
Deschannel, hanging out on your side of the Sound, you can thank
us. And let’s not forget that your namesake, Chief Sealth, is
resting over here on our side, in a town that has a nice view of,
I will point out, however, that Bremerton has a couch and a pair of pants named after
it. I know that doesn’t compare to a horse and an entire genre of
music, but we take our victories where we can get them.
Meanwhile, no matter how insulting to ingenuity your waterfront
is, we will keep bringing tourists to your shops, workers to your
offices and spectators to your venues. And we’ll keep waiting for
our own first Zooey sighting.