Flame-Broiled For The Ladies

Burger King is coming out with a cologne that smells like meat.

I guess this isn’t a joke.

With all the Burger Kings in Bremerton, and Kitsap, this could be the ideal stocking stuffer for your overweight lover.

And by “overweight lover” I mean ’90s rap sensation Heavy D, of Heavy D and the Boyz fame.

With the tumbling economy, and seeing as our society is on the verge of some Cormac McCarthy-like descent into chaos and cannibalism, it’s not a bad idea, I guess, to splash a little grease on your earlobe before heading to the club to do the latest dance craze, the leper.

But for those of you rediscovering middle-class poverty, do what I do.

Every morning after jumping out of my Murphy bed with a hole in it, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed like a Veneta Avenue squirrel, I walk across the street to the Burger King on Warren Avenue, climb on to the roof, and bathe in the flame-broiled aromas percolating from the smokestack, just rub that smoky goodness into my skin. It disturbs the employees, but they’re cool, they know I’m just having it my way.

When I show up for work, I smell like a big slab of burnt flesh.

6 thoughts on “Flame-Broiled For The Ladies

  1. “When I show up for work, I smell like a big slab of burnt flesh.”
    And now we know the real reason Andy is being laid off…

  2. The office building I inhabit in Seattle has a Quizno’s. Their food sucks but we all comment on the great meat cologne they spew into the lobby. On occasion one of my cube mates will fall for the “heavenly” meat fragrance but then lament how they just bought $5 worth of cardboard with shredded iceburg lettuce. What is in their ventilation? It certainly is not reflected in the product.

  3. Let’s talk cost.
    Did you know Costco online is selling a 15 pound beef roast for over $2,000.00? It is said to be better than Kobe beef.
    If anyone here buys one, let us know what it smells like…

  4. I have to add that the idea of anyone paying over $2,000. for a 15 pound beef roast when moms and kids – and pets – live in the street or car in this weather…is obscene.

    That $2,000. would buy a lot of heat for people without it.

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