Things I Have Learned On The USS Bremerton

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This guy is funny. Apparently he is a “nuke,” or a nuclear technician.

(I’ll let that one sink in.)

Anyway, he’s aboard the USS Bremerton, the best-named submarine in the Navy. (That is, until someone gets around to naming a malfunctioning life raft aboard a laundry ship the USS Binion.)

I’ve been told there are no female nukes aboard submarines, but there are female nukes aboard other ships. My apologies if this particular nuke is a “she.” I’m a land-lubber, after all.

I don’t get some of the jokes, and I wouldn’t, because it’s sort of inside nuclear tech humor, and some of the comments the post has attracted aren’t that funny, but this guy, “rayray,” made me laugh out loud. I really liked the rule about not making junior officers giggle. My favorite: “Spin the bottle is not a good underway game.”

For more military hilarity, I strongly recommend the book (or even the movie) “Catch-22.” It’s one of my favorite novels of all time and is about the funniest thing I’ve ever read. There were times when I had to put the book down because i was laughing so hard.

And for help deciphering some of the slang, and for further reference, here is a collection of Navy slang and definitions.

You can read the post by clicking here, or just read them below.

These are some of the things that I have learned by personnel experience, seen it happen, or have been randomly informed of by my chain of command.

l. Hanging an eviscerated squirrel at the watertight door is not an approved method for stopping NRRO monitors.
2. I am not the system expert for the core ejection system.
3. The EDMC did not serve on the USS Turtle.
4. “Keel hauling” someone is no longer approved.
5. 2190 TEP oil is not a good personal lubricant.
6. Telling junior personnel to find something and “put your d*** on it” is not a better method of training.
7. This is especially true in the RC.
8. Official correspondence to the captain does not need to be ended with “Until we meet again.”
9. I am not allowed to shorten any officer’s name to Dick.
10. Senior Chiefs do not do “Drive-by tasking”. Just ask them, they will tell you.
11. I am not allowed to call Doc “Nurse.”
12.
13. An equal opportunity survey should not be used as a joke checklist. Ever.
14.
15. A Beer Drinking qual card is not command endorsed. (I actually received one. Theoretical Knowledge included a discussion of a dark and ta).
16. Fields day is not to be referred to as “Nap-nap time”
17. Going in-depth into an officer’s questionable family tree is not allowed.
18. The 2MC announcing system is not my personal paging system.
19. The movie game cannot be played on the 2JV phone system.
20. Playing hide and seek with NRRO monitors is frowned on.
21. “Your mom” is a perfectly acceptable answer to any question, at any time, posed by anyone.
22. The morning brief is not a good place to “try and sober up.”
23. A hip flask is not allowed on watch, regardless of what it is filled with.
24. The shaft seals do not need to be feed.
25. Bringing a sloth onboard a submarine to live is not allowed.
26. Referring to another submarine as “The guys who keep hitting s***” is rude.
27. NEVER let any officer touch any tool.
28. No one on any submarine has ever had a threesome with two hot chicks, regardless of what they say.
29. Trying to make a JO giggle while making announcements is frowned upon.
30.
31. Spin the bottle is not a good underway game.
32. Every coner could have been a nuke.
33. Shift work is the only way to make nukes happy.
34. Nukes hate shift work.
35. How many nukes have had to reenlist during shiftwork?
36. I am not the lone ranger so an EB red tape mask is not part of my watch uniform.
37. “Repel borders” is not an effective way to ward off NRRO.
38. The M-div stare is the most powerful force known to man


By the way, what’s up with the blank spots? To racy? If your out there rayray, drop us a line.

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