Need More Stuff? Come To Bremerton!

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Having helped move my Depression-era grandmother out of her apartment last week, and watched my father’s blood pressure skyrocket while dealing with her nearly complete collection of junk mail from the mid-’90s, I’ve found myself less interested in material possessions.

After all, what are material possessions if not future donations to Goodwill by exasperated heirs?

I may be less attached to possessions, but I’m not made of stone.

The Bremerton School District will hold two events Saturday to help people stock up on stuff. Some of it sounds like useful items, some sound like the kind of worldly belongings that will be stacked in a corner and will eventually fall on the family pet.

The buying fun takes place at the (old) Bremerton Junior High campus on Wheaton Way.

-District staff will hold a rummage sale benefit Relay For Life, the all-day, all-night walk-a-thon to raise cash and awareness for cancer research and support for those who have the disease. This sale runs from 9 a.m. till 4 p.m.

-The second event, which sounds real interesting to me, is a district surplus auction. The auction will include “dozens of items that we no longer needed,” according to a statement from the district.

The preview begins at 9 .m. and the auction kicks off at 10 a.m.

I had a chance to look at a draft list of available items. There is something for everybody with an economic stimulus check:

Laptops – Thirteen of them. Everybody can use a laptop. They make great paper weights and you can use them to make intelligent, constructive comments after stories on

Scales – Drug dealers are always complaining that they can’t eyeball their drug parcels as well as a scale. It can be a real hassle. Well, there will be 15 of them up for auction.

Lathe – “Missing many parts.”

Toilets and Urinals – Can’t have too many of those.

Commercial Deep Fryerr – It pays for itself.

Food Lamp “for Keeping Foods Hot” – I hate cold food.

Xylophones – Four of them! Here’s an idea for kids who hate their parents!

Drums, Assorted – (See above)

Uniform tops of East High School Marching Band – No trip down memory lane is complete without a defunct school’s marching band uniform. Now you just have to get someone to beat you up for your lunch money.

Band sweaters from George Dewey Jr. High – These are going to be worth a mint in a few years.

Bow Ties – One box. Will that be enough?

There will be many more items available than the ones that I mentioned, and made fun of. But don’t take my word for it. Get out there and buy, buy, buy!

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