Direct Action Gets Dissatisfaction


Hungry, Hungry Anarchists

As you’ve no doubt heard, lefties broke four bank windows here with bricks early Tuesday morning.

This is big news, apparently, and shook some people’s faith to the core. For others, I suppose, it’s comeuppance for overdraft fees.

Seattle television stations raced across the pond to get video of the broken glass (shield your eyes, kids) and the tersely worded note. It had two swear words in it, which the stations made a point to mention, as if they were shaming the critical theory majors for their base vocabularies.

It’s the second instance of left-wing sabotage/direct action we’ve had in Bremerton since December, when the Naval Avenue KFC got tagged and vandalized by people claiming to be members of the Animal Liberation Front.

What I found most interesting was the quote used in the KOMO story, of a glass business owner (ironically.)

“They do these things, it kind of makes a guy nervous like myself,” the man said. “My daughter’s getting married and hopefully will have grandkids and I just want to live in a safe community.”

Personally I’m more afraid of hippopotamuses than anarchists. Hippopotamuses are big and ill-tempered and do nothing but make a community unsafe. They won’t just break bank windows, they’ll tear up your house. And its curtains if they sit on you. Don’t mistake their twiddling ears for a friendly gesture. Unlike anarchists, you can’t mention Frantz Fanon to a angry hippopotamuses and expect to get a reprieve, a long, boring, self righteous reprieve.

Hippopotamuses will just take you out. Clean and simple, before you can say “death of the author.”

Far be it from me to criticize the pangs in the heart of a glass salesman when he contemplates such disregard for window panes. I feel the same way when I hear about burning books.

But I will hang my head out the school bus window and say that in addition to Binion’s Patented Hippopotamus-Be-Gone charms that I sell on late-night infomercials, Binion Industries is developing a Anarchist-Be-Gone charm, that when worn around the neck, is guaranteed to keep your daughters and grandchildren safe from brick toting post-modernists.

I expect to make a fortune selling them to television stations.

4 thoughts on “Direct Action Gets Dissatisfaction

  1. Do we have hippos on the loose in Bremerton? I thought all I had to watch out for in the crosswalks was uninsured rednecks in jacked-up 4x4s and minivan soccer moms on cell phones. Now I have to watch out for hippos.

    Pedestrian-friendly indeed.

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