Police blotter: McDonald’s employee threatens Dane Cook impersonators


In this week’s blotter, a fed-up employee at the Bainbridge Island McDonald’s threatened to shoot up the car of his teen tormentors.

Police say the two Bainbridge teens were doing a rendition of comedian Dane Cook’s Burger King drive-through routine (see it here). Repeating the comedian’s words, the kids uttered the word “pickles” in a “funny voice” several times into the drive-through speaker. The employee, a Suquamish resident, didn’t think it was so funny. He asked the kids to pull forward and talk face-to-face but the teens backed out of the drive-through line and began making fun of the employee in the parking lot. That’s around the time the employee dropped a one-liner about killing their car.

Also this week, a woman’s stolen sailboat returns after a brutal Alaskan adventure. Read on for more.

Aug. 23
Boat theft: A Bainbridge woman’s boat was stolen and damaged on a trip to Alaska. The owner said an acquaintance, who had been told specifically not to take the 14-foot boat, took the boat from a friend’s Grow Avenue house where it was being stored and hauled it to Alaska to work in the fishing industry for the summer. The owner decided not to report the theft until the boat was dropped off in a damaged state. The owner learned of its return from friends saw the boat being dropped off at the city dock in Eagle Harbor by a larger fishing vessel. The boat was missing its mast, rigging, sails and its fiberglass body was damaged. Losses were estimated at around $1,000. A report was forwarded to the prosecutor’s office for possible charges.

Aug. 22
Break-in assault: A Bainbridge man was beaten by four men after a break-in at his Day Road house. One man was arrested. The other three are on the run. See previous blog post here for the full details.

Harassed: A Bainbridge woman was harassed by a man at her workplace over the course of three weeks. The victim’s initial contact with the suspect, a white middle-aged man, began when her new puppy disappeared from her driveway. A day later, she found her puppy tied up near her home. After inquiring, the victim found the suspect, who said he had found the puppy and had put up notices to find the owner. The suspect insisted she get identification for the puppy at a local pet store. The victim was surprised to find the suspect waiting her her at the pet store to ensure that she got the ID. She also thought it strange that the man knew her address. A few days later, the man appeared at her Winslow workplace. She bought him a beer to thank him for finding her dog. The suspect appeared “too interested” in the victim’s personal affairs and made her feel uncomfortable. He returned to her work on another day and yelled at her for the way she cares for her puppy and the ordeal he went through to care for and return it.

Rollover: A Bainbridge man was cited for inattention after he rolled his car in a yard on Viewcrest Drive at about 10:15 p.m. The man failed to make a turn, causing his car to roll into a home’s shrubs. The car’s driver’s side was damaged. No injuries were reported.

August 20
Dog death: A dog died from overheating after it was left inside a car with its windows rolled up during warm temperatures. Upon arrival at the dog owner’s home, police noticed the dog, a black Labrador, was dead in the her arms. She was running a garden hose over the dog while repeatedly saying “Please don’t be dead.” The woman said she had left the dog in the car at around 11 a.m. and went directly inside her home to attend to some business on the Internet. Several hours later she realized she hadn’t seen the dog in a while. She eventually found the dog in the car. “I cooked her! I killed her!” the woman yelled after recounting the incident. Police requested the assistance of a psychologist because the woman was nearly inconsolable. The car was parked in full sun. Police noted that the outdoor temperature was around 80 degrees and believe the indoor car temperature to have been over 100 degrees. A report was forwarded to the Human Society.

Aug. 18
Threatened: Two Bainbridge teenagers reported that a McDonald’s employee threatened to shoot them in retaliation for harassment. The teens told police that they had pulled up to the restaurant’s drive-through and began saying “pickles” with a funny voice into the speaker rather than placing an order. The teens said they were reenacting a routine by a famous comedian. When the teens then tried to order a frozen treat, the employee, a Suquamish resident, asked them to order correctly and to discuss the matter at the drive-through window. Fearing that the employee was angry, the teens instead left the drive-dru line and pulled up next to the employee’s car. Then teens then continued to antagonize the employee and laugh at him. “We were provoking him,” one of the teens told police. The employee reportedly came outside and said “It won’t be so funny when I put bullets in the back of your car.” The teens then drove away and called 911.